Good New JOKES!
Senior Member
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 3,102
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From: middle of nowheres
A man actually gives in to those internet ads and goes in to get his penis enlarged. It was a pretty radical procedure that involved graphing in the trunk of a baby elephant to his member. Anyway, after weeks of recovery the man and his wife sat down to dinner to celebrate. Suddenly, his penis appeared, reached across the table, grabbed a dinner roll, and shot back into his pants. After many minutes of exchanging shocked looks, the wife calmed down and raised an eyebrow.
Wife: "Wow, I would love to see that again".
Man (small voice): "Yeah, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my ass.."
Wife: "Wow, I would love to see that again".
Man (small voice): "Yeah, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my ass.."
HC Racer H5
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 4,261
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From: KCK
a horse and a chicken were best friends
one day they were playing in the meadow on the farm where they lived...it rained and stormed intensely the night before and there were mud puddles scattered throughout the meadow...the horse was running around and accidently fell into one of the puddles...he tried hard to get out but was sinking and the chicken couldn't help
the horse said to the chicken "please go up and find the farmer, get his tractor and pull me out"...so the chicken obliged and ran up to the farm house to find the farmer...he couldn't find him or find the tractor...but in the shed he found the farmers old mercedes benz and somehow drove it down to his friend and tied a rope around the bumper and pulled him out...the horse was very thankful and they played carefully
the very next day the horse and chicken were again playing the meadow, but this time the chicken fell into the mud puddle...the chicked asked to his friend the horse "please go up and find the farmer, get his tractor or the old car and pull me out"...the horse said in return..."I'm bigger than you and can straddle this mud puddle"...so the horse did so...the chicked asked what next...the horse replied "well grab my thingy hanging between my legs and I can pull you out"...well the chicken gently grabbed his thingy and the horse rescued him
the moral of this story is if you are hung like a horse, you don't need a mercedes to pick up chicks.
one day they were playing in the meadow on the farm where they lived...it rained and stormed intensely the night before and there were mud puddles scattered throughout the meadow...the horse was running around and accidently fell into one of the puddles...he tried hard to get out but was sinking and the chicken couldn't help
the horse said to the chicken "please go up and find the farmer, get his tractor and pull me out"...so the chicken obliged and ran up to the farm house to find the farmer...he couldn't find him or find the tractor...but in the shed he found the farmers old mercedes benz and somehow drove it down to his friend and tied a rope around the bumper and pulled him out...the horse was very thankful and they played carefully
the very next day the horse and chicken were again playing the meadow, but this time the chicken fell into the mud puddle...the chicked asked to his friend the horse "please go up and find the farmer, get his tractor or the old car and pull me out"...the horse said in return..."I'm bigger than you and can straddle this mud puddle"...so the horse did so...the chicked asked what next...the horse replied "well grab my thingy hanging between my legs and I can pull you out"...well the chicken gently grabbed his thingy and the horse rescued him
the moral of this story is if you are hung like a horse, you don't need a mercedes to pick up chicks.
Swollen Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,219
Likes: 0
From: Show Me State
Originally Posted by Tark
"I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!"
h:
wtf goes here?
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 5,782
Likes: 0
From: Charlotte, NC
A gay man named Roger goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says "Roger, I am not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS." Roger is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice." Roger asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your asshole is for."
The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice." Roger asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your asshole is for."
pronounced tech
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 10,782
Likes: 0
From: down at Va Beach
Originally Posted by jaje
a horse and a chicken were best friends
one day they were playing in the meadow on the farm where they lived...it rained and stormed intensely the night before and there were mud puddles scattered throughout the meadow...the horse was running around and accidently fell into one of the puddles...he tried hard to get out but was sinking and the chicken couldn't help
the horse said to the chicken "please go up and find the farmer, get his tractor and pull me out"...so the chicken obliged and ran up to the farm house to find the farmer...he couldn't find him or find the tractor...but in the shed he found the farmers old mercedes benz and somehow drove it down to his friend and tied a rope around the bumper and pulled him out...the horse was very thankful and they played carefully
the very next day the horse and chicken were again playing the meadow, but this time the chicken fell into the mud puddle...the chicked asked to his friend the horse "please go up and find the farmer, get his tractor or the old car and pull me out"...the horse said in return..."I'm bigger than you and can straddle this mud puddle"...so the horse did so...the chicked asked what next...the horse replied "well grab my thingy hanging between my legs and I can pull you out"...well the chicken gently grabbed his thingy and the horse rescued him
the moral of this story is if you are hung like a horse, you don't need a mercedes to pick up chicks.
one day they were playing in the meadow on the farm where they lived...it rained and stormed intensely the night before and there were mud puddles scattered throughout the meadow...the horse was running around and accidently fell into one of the puddles...he tried hard to get out but was sinking and the chicken couldn't help
the horse said to the chicken "please go up and find the farmer, get his tractor and pull me out"...so the chicken obliged and ran up to the farm house to find the farmer...he couldn't find him or find the tractor...but in the shed he found the farmers old mercedes benz and somehow drove it down to his friend and tied a rope around the bumper and pulled him out...the horse was very thankful and they played carefully
the very next day the horse and chicken were again playing the meadow, but this time the chicken fell into the mud puddle...the chicked asked to his friend the horse "please go up and find the farmer, get his tractor or the old car and pull me out"...the horse said in return..."I'm bigger than you and can straddle this mud puddle"...so the horse did so...the chicked asked what next...the horse replied "well grab my thingy hanging between my legs and I can pull you out"...well the chicken gently grabbed his thingy and the horse rescued him
the moral of this story is if you are hung like a horse, you don't need a mercedes to pick up chicks.
CBOTY 2010
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 34,786
Likes: 0
From: MI
Originally Posted by c_rogue69
A gay man named Roger goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says "Roger, I am not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS." Roger is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice." Roger asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your asshole is for."
The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice." Roger asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your asshole is for."
I go duffy on dem bitches
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 28,248
Likes: 0
From: Gonzales, Louisiana
Originally Posted by Tark
how bou tthis one...
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"
Swollen Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,219
Likes: 0
From: Show Me State
Originally Posted by c_rogue69
A gay man named Roger goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says "Roger, I am not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS." Roger is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice." Roger asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your asshole is for."
The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice." Roger asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your asshole is for."