Good New JOKES!
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 30,331
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From: Montréal, Canada
It seems God noticed Adam was despondent. So the Lord God said, "Adam, come over here and sit down!". And Adam did so.
"Adam," spoke the Creator, "I see your countenance is fallen and you seem to feel rotten and lonely." Adam said nothing in
response. "So," continued the Lord, "I am going to create an alternate person who will be with you!" Adam just looked puzzled but interested. "This person," said the Lord, "will take all the raw and tasteless food that you are currently ruining and will prepare wonderful, spicy, and tasty dishes."
Adam looked grateful. "This person, "said the Lord, "will be beautiful to behold and graceful and interesting to watch as she walks." Adam looked thoughtful. "This person, "emphasized the Lord,"will be able to satisfy all those dreams that you currently are having!" Adam really looked believed. "And, lastly," said the Lord, "She will obey your every whim and desire and order with cheerfulness." Adam was really impressed and finally spoke.
"O.K., Lord, but what is this going to cost me?" "An arm and a leg," said the Almighty.
"Well," Adam then said, "What can I get for a rib?"
"Adam," spoke the Creator, "I see your countenance is fallen and you seem to feel rotten and lonely." Adam said nothing in
response. "So," continued the Lord, "I am going to create an alternate person who will be with you!" Adam just looked puzzled but interested. "This person," said the Lord, "will take all the raw and tasteless food that you are currently ruining and will prepare wonderful, spicy, and tasty dishes."
Adam looked grateful. "This person, "said the Lord, "will be beautiful to behold and graceful and interesting to watch as she walks." Adam looked thoughtful. "This person, "emphasized the Lord,"will be able to satisfy all those dreams that you currently are having!" Adam really looked believed. "And, lastly," said the Lord, "She will obey your every whim and desire and order with cheerfulness." Adam was really impressed and finally spoke.
"O.K., Lord, but what is this going to cost me?" "An arm and a leg," said the Almighty.
"Well," Adam then said, "What can I get for a rib?"
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 30,331
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From: Montréal, Canada
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!"
He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!"
Senior Member
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 3,102
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From: middle of nowheres
Originally Posted by Tark
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!"
He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!"
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 30,331
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From: Montréal, Canada
Originally Posted by pierced1
I smirked a little on that one.
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"
More Black on Black Crime
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 37,776
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From: San Diego, CA
Originally Posted by Big AL
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.
Luckily, the three babies were okay. The surgeon decided to leave the
bullets in as it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two
healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for sixteen years. And then, one of the daughters walked into the kitchen in tears.
"What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this
bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her what
happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the kitchen and
burst into tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."
Again, the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
Another week passed and her son walked into the room in tears. "It's
okay," said the mother. "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
"No," said the boy. "I was playing with myself and shot the dog
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.
Luckily, the three babies were okay. The surgeon decided to leave the
bullets in as it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two
healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for sixteen years. And then, one of the daughters walked into the kitchen in tears.
"What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this
bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her what
happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the kitchen and
burst into tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."
Again, the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
Another week passed and her son walked into the room in tears. "It's
okay," said the mother. "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
"No," said the boy. "I was playing with myself and shot the dog
Senior Member
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 3,102
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From: middle of nowheres
Originally Posted by Tark
how bou tthis one...
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"