Good New JOKES!
scrotal surge
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 15,460
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From: Cali
A nurse goes into a bank to make a deposit. She reaches into her purse and pulls out a rectal thermometer. She yells, "Damn! Some asshole has my pen!"
Last edited by Chefboiali; Jun 19, 2006 at 10:08 AM.
Thread Starter
Just wait...
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 911
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From: Ocean View, Deleware
Originally Posted by Big AL
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.
Luckily, the three babies were okay. The surgeon decided to leave the
bullets in as it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two
healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for sixteen years. And then, one of the daughters walked into the kitchen in tears.
"What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this
bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her what
happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the kitchen and
burst into tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."
Again, the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
Another week passed and her son walked into the room in tears. "It's
okay," said the mother. "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
"No," said the boy. "I was playing with myself and shot the dog
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.
Luckily, the three babies were okay. The surgeon decided to leave the
bullets in as it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two
healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for sixteen years. And then, one of the daughters walked into the kitchen in tears.
"What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this
bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her what
happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the kitchen and
burst into tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."
Again, the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
Another week passed and her son walked into the room in tears. "It's
okay," said the mother. "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
"No," said the boy. "I was playing with myself and shot the dog
HAHAHahhahaa
LEVEL UP
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 11,426
Likes: 1
From: Indianapolis
Originally Posted by Chefboiali
A nurse goes into a bank to make a deposit. She reaches into her purse and pulls out a rectal thermometer. She's "Damn! Some asshole has my pen!"
Checking it twice
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 13,539
Likes: 0
From: Twixt Hell/Ann Arbor MI
Two Scotsman were discussing how far each could make a dime reach. They agreed to try it and meet a few days later to see who won.
The first guy bought a cigar, and smoked one-third the first day and saved the ashes. He smoked one-third the second day and saved the ashes. He smoked one-third the third day and again saved the ashes. On the fourth day he gave the ashes to his wife to use as fertilizer on her roses. He told the other guy, I know you cant beat that for stretching a dime.
The other Scotsman said, I got you beat. I bought a Polish sausage for a dime, and the first day I ate one-half, and on the second day I ate the other half. The third day I used the skin for a condom, and the fourth day I took a shit in the skin and sewed it back up. The fifth day I took it back to the butcher and told him it smelled like shit. He agreed with me and gave me my dime back.
I might have already used this one but too bad.
The first guy bought a cigar, and smoked one-third the first day and saved the ashes. He smoked one-third the second day and saved the ashes. He smoked one-third the third day and again saved the ashes. On the fourth day he gave the ashes to his wife to use as fertilizer on her roses. He told the other guy, I know you cant beat that for stretching a dime.
The other Scotsman said, I got you beat. I bought a Polish sausage for a dime, and the first day I ate one-half, and on the second day I ate the other half. The third day I used the skin for a condom, and the fourth day I took a shit in the skin and sewed it back up. The fifth day I took it back to the butcher and told him it smelled like shit. He agreed with me and gave me my dime back.
I might have already used this one but too bad.
__________________
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ...."WOW! What a ride!!!!!"
LUNCH with THEOLDMAN...On a break for now...
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ...."WOW! What a ride!!!!!"
LUNCH with THEOLDMAN...On a break for now...
wtf goes here?
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 5,782
Likes: 0
From: Charlotte, NC
Originally Posted by Big AL
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.
Luckily, the three babies were okay. The surgeon decided to leave the
bullets in as it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two
healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for sixteen years. And then, one of the daughters walked into the kitchen in tears.
"What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this
bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her what
happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the kitchen and
burst into tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."
Again, the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
Another week passed and her son walked into the room in tears. "It's
okay," said the mother. "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
"No," said the boy. "I was playing with myself and shot the dog
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.
Luckily, the three babies were okay. The surgeon decided to leave the
bullets in as it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two
healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for sixteen years. And then, one of the daughters walked into the kitchen in tears.
"What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this
bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her what
happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the kitchen and
burst into tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."
Again, the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
Another week passed and her son walked into the room in tears. "It's
okay," said the mother. "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
"No," said the boy. "I was playing with myself and shot the dog
Originally Posted by Chefboiali
A nurse goes into a bank to make a deposit. She reaches into her purse and pulls out a rectal thermometer. She yells, "Damn! Some asshole has my pen!"
Senior Member
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 3,102
Likes: 0
From: middle of nowheres
A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small step ladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.
"Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised-and flattered-the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.
"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them."
Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump!"
I might have posted this before, but i like it
"Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised-and flattered-the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.
"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them."
Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump!"
I might have posted this before, but i like it
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 30,331
Likes: 0
From: Montréal, Canada
Originally Posted by pierced1
A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small step ladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.
"Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised-and flattered-the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.
"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them."
Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump!"
I might have posted this before, but i like it
"Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised-and flattered-the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.
"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them."
Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump!"
I might have posted this before, but i like it
