*sigh* serious post
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 2000
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From: the southwest
Originally Posted by Duff Man
IMO I would move to where oppurtunity is. But I don't have a daughter so I can't imagine.
I guess, as selfish as it may sound, you need to think about your self. At least think about your future. She won't hate you for it, or forget you. Just make sure you're there for when she needs you the most.
I guess, as selfish as it may sound, you need to think about your self. At least think about your future. She won't hate you for it, or forget you. Just make sure you're there for when she needs you the most.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Originally Posted by Grifter
think of it as you have to leave your dog (mika?) with your ex
And actually, if it got that bad, gah...I would have to suck it up I guess.
damn...good point
Apathy Kills
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 60,714
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From: The Left Lane
This is a really tough choice, and you have my sympathies, John.
If renting your house out in NorCal isn't making enough money, then I'd seriously look at relocating back to California, where the job market is better, and bring your daughter along with you. And while a move to Cali would be hard on her to have to re-establish her friendships, to defer a move until she's 16 or older would, IMO be much more traumatic.
To put this in perspective, in 1985, when the architectural firm my dad worked for hit the skids, we packed up and moved down to Marin County when I was the same age your daughter is now. And looking back, had we deferred that move until I was through High School would have been hellish.
Ultimately, it's clear you want to be with your daughter and play a strong role in her life - and I commend you for that to no end. But if the job market is crapped out, why not move to greener pastures, with your daughter by your side? :dunno:
So that's my 2¥. I hope this helps in some way. :happysad:
-David
If renting your house out in NorCal isn't making enough money, then I'd seriously look at relocating back to California, where the job market is better, and bring your daughter along with you. And while a move to Cali would be hard on her to have to re-establish her friendships, to defer a move until she's 16 or older would, IMO be much more traumatic.
To put this in perspective, in 1985, when the architectural firm my dad worked for hit the skids, we packed up and moved down to Marin County when I was the same age your daughter is now. And looking back, had we deferred that move until I was through High School would have been hellish.
Ultimately, it's clear you want to be with your daughter and play a strong role in her life - and I commend you for that to no end. But if the job market is crapped out, why not move to greener pastures, with your daughter by your side? :dunno:
So that's my 2¥. I hope this helps in some way. :happysad:
-David
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Joined: Dec 2002
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From: cali, bay area
Originally Posted by NorCal DC4
This is a really tough choice, and you have my sympathies, John.
If renting your house out in NorCal isn't making enough money, then I'd seriously look at relocating back to California, where the job market is better, and bring your daughter along with you. And while a move to Cali would be hard on her to have to re-establish her friendships, to defer a move until she's 16 or older would, IMO be much more traumatic.
To put this in perspective, in 1985, when the architectural firm my dad worked for hit the skids, we packed up and moved down to Marin County when I was the same age your daughter is now. And looking back, had we deferred that move until I was through High School would have been hellish.
Ultimately, it's clear you want to be with your daughter and play a strong role in her life - and I commend you for that to no end. But if the job market is crapped out, why not move to greener pastures, with your daughter by your side? :dunno:
So that's my 2¥. I hope this helps in some way. :happysad:
-David
If renting your house out in NorCal isn't making enough money, then I'd seriously look at relocating back to California, where the job market is better, and bring your daughter along with you. And while a move to Cali would be hard on her to have to re-establish her friendships, to defer a move until she's 16 or older would, IMO be much more traumatic.
To put this in perspective, in 1985, when the architectural firm my dad worked for hit the skids, we packed up and moved down to Marin County when I was the same age your daughter is now. And looking back, had we deferred that move until I was through High School would have been hellish.
Ultimately, it's clear you want to be with your daughter and play a strong role in her life - and I commend you for that to no end. But if the job market is crapped out, why not move to greener pastures, with your daughter by your side? :dunno:
So that's my 2¥. I hope this helps in some way. :happysad:
-David
Five-O
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 75
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From: sunny san diego
Maybe you should sell me your house and move to Oregon! I'm kidding! You should know that there's many people getting a house now in Fresno because San Jo is too expensive. If I were you, I'd keep the house, rent it out, and stay in Oregon. I do think it's cheaper there. I don't know how much your expenses are, but I would think the rent money from the house should cover everything there. Unless, you're renting it out dirt cheap or you're renting a very expensive apartment/house there. You should raise the rent. Look into getting info on how much the average rent now and should change it if it's higher. It's unquestionable since San Jo's right there.
Push to shock!
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 4,583
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From: Palo Alto, CA
The way I see it, there is no compromise in this situation, you either stay in Oregon close to your daughter or move away to find a better financial situation. No matter how you look at it, moving away means that you will be less of a part of your daughter's life. I'm sure that if you choose to stay in Oregon to be with your daughter, you will find a way to make ends meet, even if it does mean working multiple low paying jobs, but it also means that you will probably be worse off financially and your life is going to be pretty busy. So the question is how important is being a part of your daughter's life to you? Is it more important than your financial status and the amount of stuff you have to put up with? We can't answer those questions for you.
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,353
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From: Ossining, New York
That is a really tough situation. One thing you can try is to actively look for a job since you said you haven't been actively looking for one.
As for selling your house in CA, are you sure that realestate in Cali is dperessed? In NY it is insane. I thought it was a sellers market in most places right now, especially since interest rates are so low, people can afford to buy houses for more money so the price charged for houses has gone up.
As for custody of your daughter, have you looked into some type of joint custody? Either that or have you seen if her mother would move to Cali? If the house is paid for and is big enough maybe you can make an apartment for them and you'd be really close to your daughter.
I am just throwing ideas out for ya. I have never been in a situation like this or have any real knowledge of this but I figured the more ideas thrown out there for you the better.
I hope it all works out for you. It sounds like you really do love your daughter and I can imagine how hard of a spot you are in right now.
As for selling your house in CA, are you sure that realestate in Cali is dperessed? In NY it is insane. I thought it was a sellers market in most places right now, especially since interest rates are so low, people can afford to buy houses for more money so the price charged for houses has gone up.
As for custody of your daughter, have you looked into some type of joint custody? Either that or have you seen if her mother would move to Cali? If the house is paid for and is big enough maybe you can make an apartment for them and you'd be really close to your daughter.
I am just throwing ideas out for ya. I have never been in a situation like this or have any real knowledge of this but I figured the more ideas thrown out there for you the better.
I hope it all works out for you. It sounds like you really do love your daughter and I can imagine how hard of a spot you are in right now.
Thread Starter
un-Touch'd krew
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 51,774
Likes: 1
From: My own level of hell
Originally Posted by BonzoAPD
That is a really tough situation. One thing you can try is to actively look for a job since you said you haven't been actively looking for one.
As for selling your house in CA, are you sure that realestate in Cali is dperessed? In NY it is insane. I thought it was a sellers market in most places right now, especially since interest rates are so low, people can afford to buy houses for more money so the price charged for houses has gone up.
As for custody of your daughter, have you looked into some type of joint custody? Either that or have you seen if her mother would move to Cali? If the house is paid for and is big enough maybe you can make an apartment for them and you'd be really close to your daughter.
I am just throwing ideas out for ya. I have never been in a situation like this or have any real knowledge of this but I figured the more ideas thrown out there for you the better.
I hope it all works out for you. It sounds like you really do love your daughter and I can imagine how hard of a spot you are in right now.
As for selling your house in CA, are you sure that realestate in Cali is dperessed? In NY it is insane. I thought it was a sellers market in most places right now, especially since interest rates are so low, people can afford to buy houses for more money so the price charged for houses has gone up.
As for custody of your daughter, have you looked into some type of joint custody? Either that or have you seen if her mother would move to Cali? If the house is paid for and is big enough maybe you can make an apartment for them and you'd be really close to your daughter.
I am just throwing ideas out for ya. I have never been in a situation like this or have any real knowledge of this but I figured the more ideas thrown out there for you the better.
I hope it all works out for you. It sounds like you really do love your daughter and I can imagine how hard of a spot you are in right now.
We do have joint custody but she lives with her mom and we are cool about a lot of things up to a point. We don't fight or anything but we also don't take any shit from each other at all.
I dunno I am taking a look at all the ideas and they aren't bad ones. I have about 2 years left in total retirement if i choose to but I am just seeing things get close faster than I wanted. I begin my active hunt for work on Monday and a couple friends are trying to hook me up where they are at.
To the person who suggested delivering pizzas.....I can't, too many tickets and they wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole because of my driving record.
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Joined: Dec 2002
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From: cali, bay area
Originally Posted by lil_1_2002
Also, have you thought of taking out a morgage on your home? Since its already paid off, take out a small morgage (or whatever its called) and let the renters pay it back, so you can subside for a little while more untill the economy gets better.