Yep, just as I expected -- a short answer that addresses none of the points I've made. :dunno:

 

:cheers:

 

let me say first off that it is refreshing to see people with fewer partners and not boasting. to those that say they are waiting for the right one, i did that and am very happy because of it. I've only been with one woman and that's who i am still with. i had several opportunities to lose my virginity before that but i never felt comfortable about it. i might add though that what i've learned is that you learn more about yourself when in a completely intimate relationship with someone than you could ever learn by yourself. My point is that i feel if for some reason me and my gf broke up i would be in an even better position now to find someone that suited me better. My problem with men that make it their cause to have as many partners as possible is that its not hard to do. I can garauntee unless he is don juan, if he has a large list it probably speaks to his moral integrity. Much of that list is probably due to alcohol or pushiness, or not caring what the person looks like (i must admit that after loosing your virginity, the physical pleasure of sex clouds your vision such that you would settle for a woman you wouldn't have before if you knew you were just going to have a one night stand). I personally cannot fathom being intimate in any way with a woman i can't talk to, or whose values i don't agree with (well maybe i could do her IDB). It is hard being a guy sometimes because you're constantly told that you should be a stud or "pimp" and if it doesn't appeal to you it can erode your self esteem. A little long winded, but just my 2 cents. I should also add that since i have lost my virginity i am more comfortable with the idea of casual sex and could envision myself with multiple partners, and that any apprehensions are based non-whatsoever on religious beliefs but rather ethical.

 

good.

 

Being one that shares axemansean's views, I'd never knock on someone's way of life. I had plenty of roommates who were lighting it up every other night, and that didn't stop me from being friends with them. It is my choice that I want to save myself for marriage; if you don't that's fine and dandy, and you do it the way you want to do it. Lack of values is a pretty bad way to put it...it's more like the views are different.

Why no sex before marriage? That's a tough one to answer. I'm sure part of it is because I grew up pretty strict Christian/Chinese family, and those things are definitely taboo. The other reason, though, is that you're separating the physical attraction from emotional and intellectual attraction. It's like your friends, you don't go groping them (hopefully) and you get to know them well as time goes by. Whether your friendship lasts depends on how you and your friends develop intellectually and emotionally, and often friends just drift apart because they just don't have anything in common any more. With a relationship you add the element of physical attraction, and a relationship that really wouldn't have developed on an intellectual and emotional level can be maintained strictly out of physical attraction. So really, I think I just avoid sex because I want to know who a person is before I become physical with them. Why marriage? I'd say marriage is a pretty big commitment, so I just see it as a point where I can at least say I'm comfortable enough with someone to live with them for the rest of our lives.

Not to say that if you have premarital sex you can't get to know someone. If that works for you, then go for it. What I said is just how I see things.

 

The problem is that you all assume that people who have premarital sex are jumping into bed with anyone and anything, or don't get to know their partners first. My husband and I had a very strong friendship, and a strong mental, intellectual and emotional connection before we ever consumated the relationship. When that finally happened, the relationship became stronger than ever, because we shared absolutely everything of ourselves with the other.

And I hope when you do decide to marry, it will be for a better reason than "a point where I can at least say I'm comfortable enough with someone to live with them for the rest of our lives." It takes much more than that to make a marriage work, and you should want more than that from your relationship and from your wife.

 

I'm not saying that you didn't know your husband prior to getting married or that anyone having premarital sex is going to have a bad relationship. I'm saying that I personally do not feel that I would know a person very well if I
did so.

That is what marriage is about though...committing yourself to a single person for the rest of your life. And getting married is that point of no return, so to speak. Yes there's more to it than just the single sentence I wrote out, in fact that's what I was trying to say is that I believe that by not having premarital sex there will be an strong emotional and intellectual bond that will form the basis of a relationship.

Why are you so defensive about this? I stated that I have nothing against people who have premarital sex, just that my own personal choice is not to have it. We leave you to your life, so leave us to ours.

 

****...im a slut...lucky 13