Originally Posted by Kestrel
Why no sex before marriage? That's a tough one to answer. I'm sure part of it is because I grew up pretty strict Christian/Chinese family, and those things are definitely taboo. The other reason, though, is that you're separating the physical attraction from emotional and intellectual attraction. It's like your friends, you don't go groping them (hopefully) and you get to know them well as time goes by. Whether your friendship lasts depends on how you and your friends develop intellectually and emotionally, and often friends just drift apart because they just don't have anything in common any more. With a relationship you add the element of physical attraction, and a relationship that really wouldn't have developed on an intellectual and emotional level can be maintained strictly out of physical attraction. So really, I think I just avoid sex because I want to know who a person is before I become physical with them. Why marriage? I'd say marriage is a pretty big commitment, so I just see it as a point where I can at least say I'm comfortable enough with someone to live with them for the rest of our lives.
The problem is that you all assume that people who have premarital sex are jumping into bed with anyone and anything, or don't get to know their partners first. My husband and I had a very strong friendship, and a strong mental, intellectual and emotional connection before we ever consumated the relationship. When that finally happened, the relationship became stronger than ever, because we shared absolutely everything of ourselves with the other.
And I hope when you do decide to marry, it will be for a better reason than "a point where I can at least say I'm comfortable enough with someone to live with them for the rest of our lives." It takes much more than that to make a marriage work, and you should want more than that from your relationship and from your wife.