Most people if they were willing enough to go on a date in the first place, don't decide to bail like 45 minutes in to it. Don't worry so much about having an out from the situation. Movie by itself is barely even a date. You don't get a chance to talk.

So I'm saying this, and yet the first date I took the girl I been seeing lately on DID involve a movie. But it was Singin' in the Rain on the big screen (a local theater shows a different old movie every week), and we first went to a sushi joint with semi-private tea rooms for like an hour or two.

If you want something cheap, just pick an easy social activity that allows you a chance to talk and be goofy. You said she knows you're not loaded, so she's not expecting you to wine and dine her. Go play mini golf, or check with your local parks to see what kind of activities like pedal boats or horseback rides they have. Basically anything fun and easy where you get a chance to talk with her one-on-one.

 

agreed.

mini golf is a great option, just as long as you arent the ultra competitive loser that throws a tantrum if he misses a putt. on the contrary, that is a great opportunity to create a humorous moment. im a big fan of mini golf, its fun, cheap, all around good times.

also, coffee & dessert, esp if you know a pastry shop that most people might not know about, it makes it more fun and "special" than going to starbucks or something that everybody knows about...

if it was me, id just say to her "how about we get together sometime, outside of work" if she wants to know what you have in mind, just throw some ideas out there, otherwise, just plan a "fun" night and tell her not to worry about it, it will be a good time. it shows you are confident enough to ask her out & plan an evening that she will enjoy without being the guy that says "hey would you like to go out sometime" and when she says yes then asks "okay what do you want to do?"

 

I don't mean it like that, I mean if she doesn't have any feelings for me, and either turns me down or agrees to go but makes it clear during that she only likes me as a friend, we could go back to as things were.

What you are describing is a classic date where, if she's not attracted to me, will result in rejection and potentially an awkward relationship with her after.

I'd probably wait and feel things out for a while, when I'm at work with her, before making a decision, but apparently, now that she broke up with her former bf, there's another co-worker who's been hitting on her(and not making progess, but it confirms that she's in demand). Plus she has another job so who knows how many dudes there might be interested. That makes me think I should act soon.
However, I was told once by someone who used to work at the same place, that she "led him on" and he was upset because, I'm assuming, he asked her out and she said no, when he'd thought for sure she was showing interest.
I believe they were friends before that, saw them together at a store once, and afterwards don't talk - I don't want that to happen in my situation.

Maybe I'm making it too complicated, maybe the worse case scenario really isn't that bad :shrug:

 

if you ask her out and she says no, just go on with life like it never happened and it wont be awkward. so you say "hey how would you like to get together sometime?" and she says "yeah i dont know about that..." just say alright that's cool too and play it off like it isnt awkward... easier said than done but it happens. even if its awkward for the rest of the shift, the next time you work together, pretend like you never asked her out and things will be fine, like they always were

 

Sounds good I guess.

So is it really that bad to not have a plan in advance, to offer up a couple of suggestions or to even ask her what she'd like to do? (if she said yes to "doing something")
I'd never really thought of that, but seems it would take some up the pressure off me. Lowering the anxiety prior to asking her would probably be helpful, lately all I'm thinking about is what to do if she said yes h:

 

good luck man. :hs:

 

I'm with what fatbooty said. don't make it into a date to begin with, and when you say, "do you wanna go out sometime?" it immediately has the date tone to it. what you should ask her is, as someone suggested, "what are your plans this weekend? wanna hit up the bowling lanes/putt putt course/local cafe/etc?" movie is a bad idea for someone that you don't want an awkward situation with, movie is very datey, especially if you pay for it.

one of my best first dates was (started at 9pm) played a round of putt putt (I worked in a glow in the dark putting course, it was fun), went to denny's after that and had coffee and dessert. we wrapped it up by walking around wal-mart being goofy playing with the toys, checking out the $5 movie bin, laughing at the tabloids. ended up marrying that girl 2 years later :P.

the worst first date I went on, dressed up (button up, tie, slacks) and picked her up at her house with roses. met the parents (who loved me) and the family (also loved me) and off we went. went to a top quality restaurant, after getting in there and seeing the prices she said she didn't feel comfortable so we shot over to hard rock cafe. ran into a couple of mutual friends and had a couple of tag alongs as we walked around down town. finally when they split, we had an argument and I was forced to drive her home mad at me. It was then awkward at work for the next month until she started dating someone new (happened to be one of the guys we ran into downtown).

the moral of the story, don't try too hard, be yourself (I know people say it, but its true), and have fun. If you're not having fun, she's not having fun.

you don't have to have the entire date planned out, just a first 'event' be it movie/putt putt/bowling/dinner. at first said event, ask her if she wants to do something else, and what. and remember, these kind of activities can be mutual friend activities as long as nothing intimate evolves, meaning if she or you just aren't feeling it, finish up the "date" and go back to being friends. even friends can go hang out every so often, so ask her to hang out again, sometimes feelings evolve after 2-3 dates.

it sounds like you actually care for girls you date, unlike the guys who just use girls to get into bed. the guy who is "hitting" on her means he is probably one of those other guys, some girls like that and not the nice guy, but sex is not relationship.

/novel

 

take her out for drinks, show her no attention....you're hittin skins

 

:werd: get her drunk.

 

:chuckles:

Funny, in a messed up way, but I guess some guys really do think treating a woman like crap is the way to go.... and if it did attract a woman, would you really want a relationship with someone who liked that? :eh: (rhetorical question)