The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he
kept in the hen house behind the church.

But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that
cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his
parishioners in church the next morning.

During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a
cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a
cock that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY
cock?"

All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

 

wow a catholic priest joke, that's new.

 

bwahahaha.

which reminds me... i should go to church :rick:

 

more

 

thats hilarious

 

A state government employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantlepiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears. "For setting me free, I am granting you three wishes. So tell me what are they?" Genie asks. "I wish for an ice cold beer right now!" He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful young girls reside." Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish, "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." POOF! He's back in his government office.

 

Ha! So true. Gov't bastids :shakesfistinair: (that should be a smiley)

 

I've read the first one in the Playboy mag, still funny though. hahaha

 

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His
father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house
still has a balance of about $80,000 & your mother just lost her job.
There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door
with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick
told him, "I was walking past your room last night heard you telling mom
you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was
coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an
$80,000 mortgage & no bike

 

^^^ thats was good

I got one too

A man goes to Vegas to gamble and luckely wins $1000 on his first day.
He decides to call a hooker to celeberate his winning.
A hooker comes into his room ans ask $600 for a BJ. The guy is like "$600 for a BJ????????" and the hooker replies "You see that 745i out there. Thats mine cuase I give the best BJ in town.
The man agress to get it and gets what he paid for, no complains

Week later he wins $10000 and decides to call the same hooker.
The hooker ask $5000 for Anal sex and guy literaly screamed "5 grands for a piece of ass?????" the hooker replies "You see that penthouse on top of that casino right there. Thats mine cause I have the best ass in town"
The man agrees and gets exactly what he paid for, No complains at all

After 2 weeks he finaly hits the Jackpot and becomes a millionaire. This time he is like " Iam gonna fuck the shit out of her this time". He calls her to his rooms and when she gets there he says " Baby I just want some pussy tonight and I dont care about the price"
the hooker replies "You see that shopping center out there?" The guys says "Dont tell me thats yours??"
The hooker replies " It would have been mine if I had a Pussy"