I found two people who were part of me. Just couldn't do enough for them. Then they got involved (and lied to me for a year) and that just F@#ked up everything. First time ever I felt what uncontrollable emotions meant. Hated them soooooooooo much, its not xplainable. Then you just have to let go and move on your with your life. Still wished they would have been honest with me, or at least wouldn't have lied to me right on my face.

When I felt that I am loosing my loved ones. Couldn't even bear thinking about it. It just want a possiblity for me. That was my downfall.

 

Bein a firefighter, you see some messed up people after fires but there was a guy who hung himself that we had to get down and burn victims are dammmmmmmmnnnnn messed up lookin scares the shit out of me when if i have to touch them...Plus car scariness.....lost all control and slid thru two and half yards form the street in the snow hittin all kinds of shit, but mostly having my best friend in the car with me and actually having time to think while spinning out of control about him gettin hurt cause i we were joy riding in my sisters new 03 A4 for the first time...we both had no scratches

 

:werd: that was damn scary, i keyed up on that electrical box we hit, like doooo

 

which one??? :hahano:

 

too many and i dun wana think about it..it will depress me

 

Right now... knowing I'll never really have a relationship with my parents. I haven't spoken more than a few words to my parents since 1994, and most of the time it was just to argue with them.

 

Not to be nasty...but it's a serious matter as I was only 16...when I had a burning sensation when I urinated and found traces of blood... yuck yuck...I contracted chlamydia from someone even with protection... I didn't know what it was at the time...I was scared out of my feeble mind....

 

scariest feeling for me was when my good friend mike called his ex and told her he was going to committ suicide.......she called me..........then we called the police and his parents and everyone that he was friends with.............we couldn't find him.........waiting for the phone call that came about six hours later saying that he was dead.

 

Damnit why am I even posting on this its the holidays which just send me into a deep depression. I fear loosing my friends. And failing at life.