John and his roommate Mary invited John's mother over for dinner. The mother had long been suspicious that the two were more than roomates, but John assured her they were just friends. About a week later, Mary told John that a silver gravy ladle had been missing since his mother's visit.

He wrote his mother this e-mail: I'm not saying that you "did" or "did not" take the gravy ladle from my house, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

His mother replied: I'm not saying that you "do" or "do not" sleep with Mary, but the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

:rofl: owned!

 

hehehe *teehee*

 

la dee da

 

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

 

In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. A hot, dry fly, who said to no one in particular "Gosh... if I go down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."

There was a fish in the water thinking "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches I can eat him."

There was a bear on the shore thinking "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches... that fish will jump for the fly... and I will eat him."

It also happened that a hunter was further up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich.

"Gosh" he thought "if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish leaps for it... that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I can shoot the bear and then I'll have a proper lunch."

You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but I can tell you there was more............

A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking "Gosh... if that, fly goes down three inches... and that fish jumps for that fly... and that bear grabs for that fish... the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich." A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, "Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish jumps for that fly...and that bear grabs for that fish...and that hunter shoots that bear... and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich... then I can have mouse for lunch." Well, the poor fly is finally so hot and dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water...

The fish swallows the fly...

The bear grabs the fish...

The hunter shoots the bear...

The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...

The cat jumps for the mouse...

The mouse ducks... The cat falls into the water and drowns.


The moral of the story is....

Whenever a fly goes down three inches...

Some pussy is bound to get wet.