Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen review
åhhhhh
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 7,992
Likes: 0
From: Toronto, Canada
Roger Ebert destroyed it. And honestly, it sounds excactly how I thought it would.
No need for sequels for movies. Seriously.
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/...IEWS/906239997
No need for sequels for movies. Seriously.
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/...IEWS/906239997
"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.
The plot is incomprehensible.
The dialog of the Autobots, Deceptibots and Otherbots is meaningless word flap. Their accents are Brooklyese, British and hip-hop, as befits a race from the distant stars. Their appearance looks like junkyard throw-up. They are dumb as a rock. They share the film with human characters who are much more interesting, and that is very faint praise indeed.
The movie has been signed by Michael Bay. This is the same man who directed "The Rock" in 1996. Now he has made "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." Faust made a better deal. This isn't a film so much as a toy tie-in. Children holding a Transformer toy in their hand can invest it with wonder and magic, imagining it doing brave deeds and remaining always their friend. I knew a little boy once who lost his blue toy truck at the movies, and cried as if his heart would break. Such a child might regard "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" with fear and dismay.
The human actors are in a witless sitcom part of the time, and lot of the rest of their time is spent running in slo-mo away from explosions, although--hello!--you can't outrun an explosion. They also make speeches like this one by John Turturro: "Oh, no! The machine is buried in the pyramid! If they turn it on, it will destroy the sun! Not on my watch!" The humans, including lots of U.S. troops, shoot at the Transformers a lot, although never in the history of science fiction has an alien been harmed by gunfire.
* people outrun exploisions in a lot of movies. also, i was busy looking at megan fox running in slow motion, rather than analyzing the scientific facts behind outrunning an explosion.
*The speeches were funny... not sure why this guy took it serious.
* The aliens were being damaged by gunfire.... a lot.... was he watching the same movie?
There are many great-looking babes in the film, who are made up to a flawless perfection and look just like real women, if you are a junior fanboy whose experience of the gender is limited to lad magazines.
The two most inexplicable characters are Ron and Judy Witwicky (Kevin Dunn and Julie White), who are the parents of Shia LaBeouf, who Mephistopheles threw in to sweeten the deal. They take their son away to Princeton, apparently a party school, where Judy eats some pot and goes berserk. Later they swoop down out of the sky on Egypt, for reasons the movie doesn't make crystal clear, so they also can run in slo-mo from explosions.
[spoiler=plot]
the weed eating scene was what... 2 minutes? get over it.... and they got kidnapped by the bad guys half way thru the movie to be used as bait later on in the movie... did he have to take an old man nap an hour into the movie and forget? [/spoiler]
The battle scenes are bewildering. A Bot makes no visual sense anyway, but two or three tangled up together create an incomprehensible confusion. I find it amusing that creatures that can unfold out of a Camaro and stand four stories high do most of their fighting with...fists. Like I say, dumber than a box of staples. They have tiny little heads, except for one who is so ancient he has an aluminum beard.
[spoiler=fight scenes]
is this guy kidding about the fists? they use guns, rocket launchers, lasers, electricity and huge fucking hot swords... michael bay should have made the fight scenes slower...
unch:[/spoiler]
Aware that this movie opened in England seven hours before Chicago time and the morning papers would be on the streets, after writing the above I looked up the first reviews as a reality check. I was reassured: "Like watching paint dry while getting hit over the head with a frying pan!" (Bradshaw, Guardian); "Sums up everything that is most tedious, crass and despicable about modern Hollywood!" (Tookey, Daily Mail); "A giant, lumbering idiot of a movie!" (Edwards, Daily Mirror). The first American review, Todd Gilchrist of Cinematical, reported that Bay's "ambition runs a mile long and an inch deep," but, in a spirited defense, says "this must be the most movie I have ever experienced." He is bullish on the box office: it "feels destined to be the biggest movie of all time." It’s certainly the biggest something of all time.
i saw nothing wrong with this movie..
snitches get stitches
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 49,696
Likes: 1
From: Portland, OR
Why do you keep bashing on him for being an old man? He has given rave reviews to plenty of other younger generation films. His age has nothing to do with it. This is a popcorn flick, and from almost all accounts, a poorly made one.
Take out a big sheet of aluminum foil from your kitchen. Crumple it into a ball. What do you get? Michael Bay's transformers!
Take out a big sheet of aluminum foil from your kitchen. Crumple it into a ball. What do you get? Michael Bay's transformers!
åhhhhh
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 7,992
Likes: 0
From: Toronto, Canada
the bolded part is +1 for old man. The fight scenes looked amazing. I don't understand how a Bot didnt make visual sense... and the fight scenes were fast and not robotic at all.... his eye balls probably couldnt focus fast enough.
the italic part is +1 for innacurate and misleading. the bots were using tonnes of weapons... not sure how he can claim that most of the fighting was with fists....
kay: <--- me
snitches get stitches
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 49,696
Likes: 1
From: Portland, OR
After having seen the first one, I think you're naive.
The fight scenes, and the corresponding close up action/fight scenes were largely confusing and amorphous. It was difficult to tell what was going on in "hand to hand" combat. I can't imagine Bay cleaning up the robots enough to change this for the sequel.
The fight scenes, and the corresponding close up action/fight scenes were largely confusing and amorphous. It was difficult to tell what was going on in "hand to hand" combat. I can't imagine Bay cleaning up the robots enough to change this for the sequel.
åhhhhh
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 7,992
Likes: 0
From: Toronto, Canada
After having seen the first one, I think you're naive.
The fight scenes, and the corresponding close up action/fight scenes were largely confusing and amorphous. It was difficult to tell what was going on in "hand to hand" combat. I can't imagine Bay cleaning up the robots enough to change this for the sequel.
The fight scenes, and the corresponding close up action/fight scenes were largely confusing and amorphous. It was difficult to tell what was going on in "hand to hand" combat. I can't imagine Bay cleaning up the robots enough to change this for the sequel.
