Originally Posted by
dE.fUsEd
This review can't be more wrong... and innacurate...
"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.
not sure exactly what he is saying here (especially the last sentence). The movie is 2.5 hours long (imax). Sure they could have cut out a couple scenes and made some of the fights shorter, but i'm also sure this guy would just complain about it being too short.
The plot is incomprehensible.
must be an old man thing. the plot is pretty straight forward.
The dialog of the Autobots, Deceptibots and Otherbots is meaningless word flap. Their accents are Brooklyese, British and hip-hop, as befits a race from the distant stars. Their appearance looks like junkyard throw-up. They are dumb as a rock. They share the film with human characters who are much more interesting, and that is very faint praise indeed.
I actually enjoyed the varying personalities of the robots... the only dissapointing thing is that they didn't talk that much.
The movie has been signed by Michael Bay. This is the same man who directed "The Rock" in 1996. Now he has made "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." Faust made a better deal. This isn't a film so much as a toy tie-in. Children holding a Transformer toy in their hand can invest it with wonder and magic, imagining it doing brave deeds and remaining always their friend. I knew a little boy once who lost his blue toy truck at the movies, and cried as if his heart would break. Such a child might regard "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" with fear and dismay.
The only refrence to it being a toy-tie in is a credit to Hasbro... there were no noticable commercial tie ins in there.... did notice that the GM car logos were a little oversized.. but i doubt the average movie goer would notice.
The human actors are in a witless sitcom part of the time, and lot of the rest of their time is spent running in slo-mo away from explosions, although--hello!--you can't outrun an explosion. They also make speeches like this one by John Turturro: "Oh, no! The machine is buried in the pyramid! If they turn it on, it will destroy the sun! Not on my watch!" The humans, including lots of U.S. troops, shoot at the Transformers a lot, although never in the history of science fiction has an alien been harmed by gunfire.
* the comedic interactions between the characters was pretty funny. there were a bunch of"i can't believe im laughing at this" moments.
* people outrun exploisions in a lot of movies. also, i was busy looking at megan fox running in slow motion, rather than analyzing the scientific facts behind outrunning an explosion.
*The speeches were funny... not sure why this guy took it serious.
* The aliens were being damaged by gunfire.... a lot.... was he watching the same movie?
There are many great-looking babes in the film, who are made up to a flawless perfection and look just like real women, if you are a junior fanboy whose experience of the gender is limited to lad magazines.
an action movie with hot women... BLASPHEMY! :facepalm:
The two most inexplicable characters are Ron and Judy Witwicky (Kevin Dunn and Julie White), who are the parents of Shia LaBeouf, who Mephistopheles threw in to sweeten the deal. They take their son away to Princeton, apparently a party school, where Judy eats some pot and goes berserk. Later they swoop down out of the sky on Egypt, for reasons the movie doesn't make crystal clear, so they also can run in slo-mo from explosions.
Comic relief.
[spoiler=plot]
the weed eating scene was what... 2 minutes? get over it.... and they got kidnapped by the bad guys half way thru the movie to be used as bait later on in the movie... did he have to take an old man nap an hour into the movie and forget? [/spoiler]
The battle scenes are bewildering. A Bot makes no visual sense anyway, but two or three tangled up together create an incomprehensible confusion. I find it amusing that creatures that can unfold out of a Camaro and stand four stories high do most of their fighting with...fists. Like I say, dumber than a box of staples. They have tiny little heads, except for one who is so ancient he has an aluminum beard.
sorry if the fight scenes were moving too fast for your eyes? they were spectacular. optimus vs 3 bots was pretty damn cool. again, i feel bad for you if are unable to follow the fight scenes.
[spoiler=fight scenes]
is this guy kidding about the fists? they use guns, rocket launchers, lasers, electricity and huge fucking hot swords... michael bay should have made the fight scenes slower...
unch:[/spoiler]
Aware that this movie opened in England seven hours before Chicago time and the morning papers would be on the streets, after writing the above I looked up the first reviews as a reality check. I was reassured: "Like watching paint dry while getting hit over the head with a frying pan!" (Bradshaw, Guardian); "Sums up everything that is most tedious, crass and despicable about modern Hollywood!" (Tookey, Daily Mail); "A giant, lumbering idiot of a movie!" (Edwards, Daily Mirror). The first American review, Todd Gilchrist of Cinematical, reported that Bay's "ambition runs a mile long and an inch deep," but, in a spirited defense, says "this must be the most movie I have ever experienced." He is bullish on the box office: it "feels destined to be the biggest movie of all time." It’s certainly the biggest something of all time.
:facepalm:
i saw nothing wrong with this movie..
