I've never been in even a remotely similar situation, so no help from me :10q:

..but damn, talk about a good problem to have, a gf, her mom likes you, and you're being given too many gifts. Best of luck man, but I'd be lying if I said I felt sorry for ya

 

tell the mom that you'd rather have her donate the money she spends on shirts for you to go to charity and let us know what happens.

 

I agree, quit being a whiny bitch.

 

I think it's a completely valid reason and it hits close to home with me.

Girls grow up to be just like their mothers no matter how hard they protest against it. Children follow their parents' examples. For instance: My ex's mom liked to get shit-faced drunk every night. Used to randomly take out her apathy and depression on everyone around her. I've been criticized for everything from the success of my parents to my religious views to my job security and stability. Criticized. Yes. As if having any of those things is a bad thing. Her mom used to grab the wedding announcements page and be like "see, she found a doctor, she found a lawyer..." right in front of me. During all of these situations, the girlfriend never once stood up for me. She was embarrassed, sure, but never stood up to the drunk aggressive mom.

3 years later: girlfriend who used to rarely drink was drunk every night, unable to be happy about anything in her daily life even though in every light she had nothing to complain about. Girl was never grateful for anything. I constantly got blamed for her unhappiness and I never was the problem in any circumstance. It was her drinking problem and own helplessness (in all things in life) that was responsible for all of it. She never learned how to deal with life because she followed her mother's example. Put her together with her drunk mom, and there's no end to the stupidity they were capable of. Eventually due to the pressure from her mom, she started dating other people without telling me (cheating) insisting they were just "friends" but I knew what was up. Her mother condoned lies. So I abandoned that family, because I refuse to live like that. Sad, because it wasn't always like that, and I was in their lives for 11 years before the stupidity became overwhelming. I FULLY hold her mother responsible for her daughter's failures.

My point: Compulsive behaviors get passed on. I'll be damned if I'll tolerate a mother-in-law like that. Why willingly subject myself to that shit for eternity. Also, women typically grow up to look like their mothers. If you'd :barf: at a 3-way with your girl's mom, regroup.

I agree with your concern because buying things for people constantly is both a compulsive thing, and a control thing. It's also an enormous sign of insecurity. My mother does it and I had to object to her "gifts" repeatedly, even with curse words (for years) to eventually make it stop. It puts you in a position of sub-servitude to the givers if you don't match their balance sheet. They may not intend for you to feel that way, or they say they don't, but subconsciously they really do because they're incapable of seeing anyone's perspective except their own. You do risk being labeled as "ungrateful" for it, too. They want to be in control and labeling you that way is their way of ignoring how they're making you feel. They want to obligate you to be with their daughter because you make her happy.

IMO, people that excessively gift people are actually incapable of expressing love in other ways. You shouldn't have to mail a few dozen thank-you cards a year, and that would be insincere. I would explain to your girlfriend that birthdays and christmas are aiight. Maybe a SMALL easter basket on Easter, or occasion-specific-and-appropriate gift on whatever holiday... but that you'll never "just be like that" and shouldn't be expected to like the gift or return the favor. It's an issue of values, and you're entitled to your feelings about it.

 

I'm with you on this one. Gotta pick your battles!

 

run away very quickly?

 

quit complaining and take it like a champ

 

came in to post the first part^^^^^^^:lmfao:

:rofl:
good one!

very very true


Ask her mom out to lunch
tell her what you told us
problem solved:hi5:

 

Well I agree with you in many aspects, this is a bit different. Sarah is nothing like her mother and finds a lot of the things she does (look up my other gf's mom thread) annoying, and cannot wait to get away from her.

As far as the 3 way thing, none of the girls look like her mother, not even the 34 yr old - yes there is a hint of resemblance but it's nothing drastic. I wasn't :barf: at her and her mom for her looks, but rather the fact that going into a three way with her mother is absolutely unappealing to me in any aspect (maybe because of the fact that it is her mother).

This is exactly it, her mother is a control freak - Sarah is almost 21 and her mother still tries to run her life - albeit she does live under the same roof but these limitations were never placed on the other 2. There is so much I could get into, but I'll spare it. Everyone around her knows she has some sort of mental issue (I'm serious) and maybe she doesn't understand what she does, but it's so hard to tolerate. Like I said, I'm in it for her and not her mom, and at first chance - we're getting as far away as possible (also Sarahs desire).

I don't know if its part of the whole "subjecting" thing or what, but I always feel like she treats us like children, instead of 2 young adults with a love interest in the other.

From the start (7 months today, so I guess it's not that "long" to most) it's been like this, even for non holidays or whatever. My birthday, holy crap, my own family doesn't even give me that much anymore.

Something small would be fine, but even today, I have received well over $50 in items. Perhaps a $10 item or less would have been fine, heck even a card is more than I would have expected/wanted.

There is only one time I want to ask her (parents) out to lunch.. and now is not the time :hsugh:

I would rather this be the case - I will try that for Christmas (I dont think any other "gift" type holidays are between now and then).

 

I think you're gonna fuck it up by opening up your mouth. It's going to be perceived the wrong way, and you're gonna get treated like Palin is treating Levi.

o: