Deeeeeee Jayyyyy Ohhhhhh Tooooooo
|:]
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 14,182
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 23,651
Likes: 0
From: cali
omg!!! :rofl:
ya jae i do, ill hit you up when i get home.
un-Touch'd krew
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 51,774
Likes: 1
From: My own level of hell
1) Dairy Queen – Taking a crap? Looking for a new challenge? Try making the perfect shit parfait by standing up at the very end and moving your hips in a clockwise fashion to make that perfect 'kiss curl' at the top. Cherries are optional…and demented.
2) Cadbury – After spending a good ten minutes straining and thinking nothing was going to happen, out splashes a single, weighty, ellipsoid-shaped rectal stone that has a hard exterior with a septic, yellowish nougat. You might have to use your thumbs to determine whether this is the kind you've made or not.
3) Devil's Spirograph – When you've filled the toilet with several logs, don't just flush and walk away. Be sure to stick around and watch the magic unfold. Hit the flush valve while leaning over the bowl and witness as the spiraling water causes the oversized, rigid bars to whittle themselves away on the sides of the bowl as they rotate in a fun pattern you can share with your family when they come in after you.
4) An Archipelago – My personal favorite. You'll find these typically in Amoco restrooms with stopped up toilets. It's when someone (or a few someones) have contributed such an abundant mass in the stool, that it clears the water in several places to form a series of islands (I jokingly refer to as the Galapgross Islands). This one's not complete until you drop wads of toilet paper across its surface for clouds…(and the flies play the parts of the seagulls.)
5) Paul Bunyan – This is when you unload a piece of timber so huge it actually touches the bottom of the basin before breaking loose at the top and painting the underside of your right thigh. For added fun, mumble the word "TIMBERRRR" under your breath to yourself.
6) Crime Scene – No one's in the bathroom, but there's shit on the seat and floor. It's a real "whodunnit".
7) DNA Sample – You guessed it. Someone left behind blood and hair with this one. Ouch.
8) Spanish Inquisition (AKA the Torquemada) – This one typically elicits shrieks from the person unlucky enough to be making this particularly ruthless variety of doody. And usually after they've eaten two of those large bags of Corn Nuts that never quite digest all the way and come out feeling like you swallowed a handful of pocketknives. If the sharp edges don't make you scream, any remaining salty coating may at least make you silently pray for death from the torture. Speaking of Corn Nuts, is it just me or do the Original flavor ones actually smell like urine when the bag is first opened?
9) Abomination – This one takes its time in coming, and is akin to giving birth in that you have to lean backwards on the seat and place your feet up on something or it won't be able to clear its birth canal. The abomination usually arrives after an extensive period of constipation and refuses to softly reshape itself for easy rectal emission. Instead, it punches its way out in whatever size and shape its currently in, whether that be "new potato", "softball" or "gourd with a sharp end". Once freed into this world, you will probably scream for your mama, but it will rattle the walls with a demonic bass range making your voice form the word "MERRIN!" Terrifying to behold, it is a misshapen, stinking monster that fills the bowl so completely you can't see porcelain. When one of these is left behind, you know someone's hurting out there somewhere.
2) Cadbury – After spending a good ten minutes straining and thinking nothing was going to happen, out splashes a single, weighty, ellipsoid-shaped rectal stone that has a hard exterior with a septic, yellowish nougat. You might have to use your thumbs to determine whether this is the kind you've made or not.
3) Devil's Spirograph – When you've filled the toilet with several logs, don't just flush and walk away. Be sure to stick around and watch the magic unfold. Hit the flush valve while leaning over the bowl and witness as the spiraling water causes the oversized, rigid bars to whittle themselves away on the sides of the bowl as they rotate in a fun pattern you can share with your family when they come in after you.
4) An Archipelago – My personal favorite. You'll find these typically in Amoco restrooms with stopped up toilets. It's when someone (or a few someones) have contributed such an abundant mass in the stool, that it clears the water in several places to form a series of islands (I jokingly refer to as the Galapgross Islands). This one's not complete until you drop wads of toilet paper across its surface for clouds…(and the flies play the parts of the seagulls.)
5) Paul Bunyan – This is when you unload a piece of timber so huge it actually touches the bottom of the basin before breaking loose at the top and painting the underside of your right thigh. For added fun, mumble the word "TIMBERRRR" under your breath to yourself.
6) Crime Scene – No one's in the bathroom, but there's shit on the seat and floor. It's a real "whodunnit".
7) DNA Sample – You guessed it. Someone left behind blood and hair with this one. Ouch.
8) Spanish Inquisition (AKA the Torquemada) – This one typically elicits shrieks from the person unlucky enough to be making this particularly ruthless variety of doody. And usually after they've eaten two of those large bags of Corn Nuts that never quite digest all the way and come out feeling like you swallowed a handful of pocketknives. If the sharp edges don't make you scream, any remaining salty coating may at least make you silently pray for death from the torture. Speaking of Corn Nuts, is it just me or do the Original flavor ones actually smell like urine when the bag is first opened?
9) Abomination – This one takes its time in coming, and is akin to giving birth in that you have to lean backwards on the seat and place your feet up on something or it won't be able to clear its birth canal. The abomination usually arrives after an extensive period of constipation and refuses to softly reshape itself for easy rectal emission. Instead, it punches its way out in whatever size and shape its currently in, whether that be "new potato", "softball" or "gourd with a sharp end". Once freed into this world, you will probably scream for your mama, but it will rattle the walls with a demonic bass range making your voice form the word "MERRIN!" Terrifying to behold, it is a misshapen, stinking monster that fills the bowl so completely you can't see porcelain. When one of these is left behind, you know someone's hurting out there somewhere.
__________________
"I'll keep my money, guns and freedom. You can keep the "Change."
"I'll keep my money, guns and freedom. You can keep the "Change."
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 23,651
Likes: 0
From: cali
i hate this one
9) Abomination – This one takes its time in coming, and is akin to giving birth in that you have to lean backwards on the seat and place your feet up on something or it won't be able to clear its birth canal. The abomination usually arrives after an extensive period of constipation and refuses to softly reshape itself for easy rectal emission. Instead, it punches its way out in whatever size and shape its currently in, whether that be "new potato", "softball" or "gourd with a sharp end". Once freed into this world, you will probably scream for your mama, but it will rattle the walls with a demonic bass range making your voice form the word "MERRIN!" Terrifying to behold, it is a misshapen, stinking monster that fills the bowl so completely you can't see porcelain. When one of these is left behind, you know someone's hurting out there somewhere.
9) Abomination – This one takes its time in coming, and is akin to giving birth in that you have to lean backwards on the seat and place your feet up on something or it won't be able to clear its birth canal. The abomination usually arrives after an extensive period of constipation and refuses to softly reshape itself for easy rectal emission. Instead, it punches its way out in whatever size and shape its currently in, whether that be "new potato", "softball" or "gourd with a sharp end". Once freed into this world, you will probably scream for your mama, but it will rattle the walls with a demonic bass range making your voice form the word "MERRIN!" Terrifying to behold, it is a misshapen, stinking monster that fills the bowl so completely you can't see porcelain. When one of these is left behind, you know someone's hurting out there somewhere.
