This one is fucked up.
There was the husband who was in the habit of taking the family dog for a nice long walk each evening. It was good exercise for both of them, his wife felt, and the dog became so used to the routine that it positively drooled to be taken out on schedule every night.
When her husband was sick one evening, the wife took the dog out instead. And to her surprise the dog pulled vigorously at the leash and led her around the block to a house around the corner and began to scratch at the door. A female voice called out, "I won't be a minute, darling."
Soon the door was opened by an attractive young woman in a negligee, and the dog dashed in straight to a dish of meat that was waiting for him -- as usual.

 

Bwuahahahahahahah!!! :rofl:

 

your Regressing..
4/10

 

Here's one from my mailbag:

Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator. While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.

The first guy says, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E. , you know... ''Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.''

The second guy says, "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., you know...''Double Income, No Kids Yet. "

The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know...''Rich, Urban, Biker. "

The fourth guy says, I am a D.I.L.D.O., you know...''Double Income, Little Dog Owner.''

They turn to the woman and ask her. ''What are you?''

She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know...Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.''

 

Three cowboys are sitting around the fire when one of them starts to brag.
"I'm the roughest toughest cowboy around here, the other day a stampede of buffalo came right at me. I just stood there and they bounced off my chest"
"I'm the roughest toughest cowboy around here, the other day I stepped in a pit of rattlers. I didn't get sick, not even a sniffle. I went by later, and all the snakes were dead"
The third cowboy just sat there, quietly stirring the coals with his penis.

 

hahahahahahahahahahorse.


I kinda laughed a little bit. 6/10

 

I'm gonna get a few off of maxim. Probably heard them before, but not everyone has.

A really drunk guy at a party walks up to the host and asks, “Do you have some green toilet paper that says, ‘Fuck you’?”

The host, stunned, answers, “Of course I don’t have any green toilet paper that says, ‘Fuck you.’”

“Oh, no!” the drunk cries. “I’m really sorry…I think I just wiped my ass with your parrot.” ...............meh. :dunno:

2)

A man and his wife go to the site of their honeymoon for their 25th anniversary. As the couple is reflecting on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replies, “All I wanted to do was fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry.”

“What are you thinking now?” the wife asks as she undresses.

The husband quickly replies: “It looks like I did a pretty good job.”

3)
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and the talk turns to their adventures. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. "How did you end up with the peg leg?" he asks.

The pirate replies, "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. As my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" says the seaman. "What about your hook?"
"Well," answers the pirate, "we were boarding a ship when one of the enemy hacked off my hand."
"Incredible!" says the seaman. "How’d you get the eye patch?"
"A sea gull shit in my eye," the pirate replies. "You lost your eye to a sea gull dropping?" the seaman asks. "Well," says the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook."

 

A pirate walks into a bar with the ships wheel in his pants. The bar tender says "hey, you know you got the ships wheel in your pants?" the pirate says "Aye, it be driving me nuts"

 

You fial. :rofl: