Britney's Womb Indefinitely Empty; Physique Spared

Britney Spears, who's been shooting her mouth off for a year about her desperate desire to start a family, has suddenly decided that she does NOT want to go to seed quite yet. Apparently Our Lady of Federline has just learned that babies grow in tummies. And tummies get real real big when they have babies inside! And that looks funny and kind of gross. And when the baby grows you get these thingies called "stretch marks". Like, your skin stretches! Sick!

The UK's Daily Record reports that Britney herself recently stated: "I'm not pregnant and it's not something I'm striving for," and a friend added, "She's terrified she'll wreck her sexy image by packing on the pounds." That's so cute--she thinks entering a gas station bathroom with bare feet after downing a small mountain of chili cheese fries and three airline-sized bottles of Old Granddad didn't effectively kill off her sex-symbol image. Britney's decision to put the kibosh on the baby plans has reportedly "enraged" her hygiene-challenged hubby, which is understandable, since furiously breeding seems to be the only activity Kev has proven he excels at.