A joke for teh slow ass basement..
DAMIMRED
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 13,495
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From: Syracuse, NY
Originally Posted by Tark
Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
i've heard that same joke only with Italian instead of Indian :chuckles:
now it is my turn.... LONG joke but funny
back in the day, a rich man was ready to marry off his daughter. after choosing 3 suiters to contend for her hand, he gave them a mission. each man was to go to market the next day with a duck. whichever man was able to sell the duck for the most money was to win her hand.
the first man goes to market and finds a poor woman. she wanted to buy his duck to feed her children. he sold the duck to her for a nickel and thought to himself "wont he be impressed to know that i made a nickle AND helped a poor woman feed her children"
the 2nd man saw a girl playing in the market. she had found some change that day and liked his duck so he agreed to sell it to her for what she had found, 10 cents total. he thought to himself "wont he be impressed by how well i work with children, ill surely win his daughters hand!"
the 3rd guy had a much better business sense. against the fathers wishes, he didnt go to market to sell his duck. he went instead to the brothel and asked a prostitute how much she would give him for the duck. "ill give you a **** for the duck" so like any man would, he did his duty to her and soon realized that the father would not see the value is this transaction. he told the prostitute that he really needed to have the duck back. she said "ill give you the duck for a ****"
well, while they were busy, the duck snuck out and got stepped on by a horse on the street. the owner of the horse felt guilty and asked the suitor how he could make it up to him. of course, knowing that his marriage was at stake, he demanded $15 and the owner agreed.
the following day, the 3 suitors met with the father.
the first man said "i found a poor woman in the market, i sold her my duck to feed her family and earned 5 cents!"
the father was impressed.
the 2nd man said "well thats nothing, a young child in the market wanted my duck for a pet, and i sold it to her for 10 cents!"
the 3rd man only chuckled and the other men looked at him, puzzled. he said "i got a fukk for the duck and the duck for a fukk and 15 bucks for a fukked up duck" :fawk:
Thread Starter
I still like honda's. :-/
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 16,762
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From: Gilbert, AZ
good stuff guys. i heard that last one a long ass time ago. still funny.
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A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
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A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
Pic Whore
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 22,224
Likes: 1
From: NJ
Michael invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Michael's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Michael and his roommate and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Michael and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Michael volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Joanne came to Michael and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Joanne said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Joanne, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Joanne. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Michael and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Michael volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Joanne came to Michael and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Joanne said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Joanne, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Joanne. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 30,331
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From: Montréal, Canada
A joke.. just a joke...
On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."
"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."
On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."
"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 30,331
Likes: 0
From: Montréal, Canada
Inuit Chill
There were three Inuit in the Artic, and while drinking at a local bar they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They couldn't agree on whose igloo was the coldest, so they set out to find out whose was.
They went to the first Inuit's igloo, where he said, "Watch this!" He poured a cup of water into the air. The water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid.
"Not bad", said the other Inuit, but each maintained their igloo was colder.
They went to the second Inuit's igloo and he said, "Watch this!" He took a big breath, exhaled and his breath froze into a big solid lump of ice and fell to the floor.
"Wow, that's colder than mine!" said the first Inuit.
But the third Inuit believed his igloo was colder. So off they went to his igloo.
"Watch this," he said.
He went into the bedroom, threw back the thick furs and retrieved one of several small balls of ice lying there. He placed one on a spoon, lit a match and held it under the spoon.
When it heated up enough, the little ball of ice went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT".
There were three Inuit in the Artic, and while drinking at a local bar they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They couldn't agree on whose igloo was the coldest, so they set out to find out whose was.
They went to the first Inuit's igloo, where he said, "Watch this!" He poured a cup of water into the air. The water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid.
"Not bad", said the other Inuit, but each maintained their igloo was colder.
They went to the second Inuit's igloo and he said, "Watch this!" He took a big breath, exhaled and his breath froze into a big solid lump of ice and fell to the floor.
"Wow, that's colder than mine!" said the first Inuit.
But the third Inuit believed his igloo was colder. So off they went to his igloo.
"Watch this," he said.
He went into the bedroom, threw back the thick furs and retrieved one of several small balls of ice lying there. He placed one on a spoon, lit a match and held it under the spoon.
When it heated up enough, the little ball of ice went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT".
