Friday morning funny thread
11-26-2004, 09:53 AM
#1
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Friday morning funny thread
A cowboy accidentally walks into a gay bar. When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your penis?" I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because 'It really Satisfies'." The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over.
The cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man looks back and says with a smile "TIMEX, cause 'it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!" He asks the two guys on his right the names of their penises. The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job One.' Have you driven a Ford, lately?" The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY ... 'Like A Rock!' "
The Cowboy thinks for a moment and then turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me a beer." The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer and asks, "Why Secret?" The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!' "
The cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man looks back and says with a smile "TIMEX, cause 'it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!" He asks the two guys on his right the names of their penises. The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job One.' Have you driven a Ford, lately?" The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY ... 'Like A Rock!' "
The Cowboy thinks for a moment and then turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me a beer." The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer and asks, "Why Secret?" The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!' "
11-26-2004, 10:06 AM
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An American, an Italian, and an Indian were walking together one day, when they were surprised by a fairy.
The fairy said, "I'm going to grant all three of you one wish. All you have to do is jump off that cliff and call the name of the thing you want and you will fall into it."
The Indian went first and jumped off the cliff and shouted, "MONEY!" Down he fell into tons of money.
The Italian went next and yelled, "WOMEN!" Down he fell into a crowd of really cute babes.
The American thought for a while, then started running. But when he was about to jump, he tripped on a rock and, thinking he was going to die, shouted, "OH, SHIT!"
The fairy said, "I'm going to grant all three of you one wish. All you have to do is jump off that cliff and call the name of the thing you want and you will fall into it."
The Indian went first and jumped off the cliff and shouted, "MONEY!" Down he fell into tons of money.
The Italian went next and yelled, "WOMEN!" Down he fell into a crowd of really cute babes.
The American thought for a while, then started running. But when he was about to jump, he tripped on a rock and, thinking he was going to die, shouted, "OH, SHIT!"
11-26-2004, 11:06 AM
#6
I want 2 B cool like u!
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thats even older..lol
One day at a local catholic school a teenage girl was talking to one of the counselors about what she wanted to be when she grew up.
"Well what do you want to be" said one of the nuns
"I want to be a prostitute when I grow up!" the girl exclaimed.
"A what?!?" said the nun with a look of surprise and anger.
"A prostitute" said the young girl
The nun in utter disbelief asked the girl again "what did you say you wanted to be?"
The girl replied "a prostitute"
Just then a look of relief came over the nuns face "thank god i thought u said you wanted to be a protestant!"
One day at a local catholic school a teenage girl was talking to one of the counselors about what she wanted to be when she grew up.
"Well what do you want to be" said one of the nuns
"I want to be a prostitute when I grow up!" the girl exclaimed.
"A what?!?" said the nun with a look of surprise and anger.
"A prostitute" said the young girl
The nun in utter disbelief asked the girl again "what did you say you wanted to be?"
The girl replied "a prostitute"
Just then a look of relief came over the nuns face "thank god i thought u said you wanted to be a protestant!"
11-26-2004, 11:46 AM
#7
Floppy Death! noES!!!
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this is about the 3rd time someone has sent me this on in a week
Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M
University has invented a
bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and
prevents the nipples
from pushing through the fabric when cold weather
or excitement pops them up.
At a news conference announcing the invention, a
large group of men took
Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of
him.
Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M
University has invented a
bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and
prevents the nipples
from pushing through the fabric when cold weather
or excitement pops them up.
At a news conference announcing the invention, a
large group of men took
Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of
him.
11-26-2004, 11:51 AM
#8
Floppy Death! noES!!!
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>A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some
>cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The
>lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's
>eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy -- I can't give you cyanide to
>kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll
>throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen!
>Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her
>purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's
>wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You
>didn't tell me you had a prescription."
>cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The
>lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's
>eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy -- I can't give you cyanide to
>kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll
>throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen!
>Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her
>purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's
>wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You
>didn't tell me you had a prescription."
11-26-2004, 11:53 AM
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Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a drink and a
smoke,
when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off
the
end, put
it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
announces
to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously
embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80
years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Son, as long as it fits a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
smoke,
when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off
the
end, put
it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
announces
to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously
embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80
years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Son, as long as it fits a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.