Bad Kitty
Thread Starter
un-Touch'd krew
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 51,774
Likes: 1
From: My own level of hell
Bad Kitty
**** Laugh at this poor guy's expense****
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No
matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my
boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a
valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was
just too darned humiliating.
I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury,
and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day.
By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to
explain the bandage on the top of my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to
my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then
one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast
when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the
kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please
come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through
the shower pitter-patter and steam.
"Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts
going and sucks me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll
only take you a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping
that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement
about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely
cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my
head under the sink to find the button.
It is the last action I remember performing...
It struck without warning, and without any respect to
my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
gnashing metal teeth.
It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating
dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs.
She had been poised around the corner and stalked me
as I reached under the sink.
And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable,
she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and
snagged them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily
movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed,
with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or
flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose
only the "flight" option. I know this from experience.
I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink
and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over
me. Now there are not many things in this life worse
than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck
naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that"
paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the
paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to
conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress
their hysterical laughter.... ....and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all.
A few days later I finally made it back in to the
office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation
out of me about my head injury. I kept silent,
claiming it was too painful to talk about.
Which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your
tongue?"
If they only knew!
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No
matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my
boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a
valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was
just too darned humiliating.
I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury,
and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day.
By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to
explain the bandage on the top of my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to
my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then
one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast
when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the
kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please
come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through
the shower pitter-patter and steam.
"Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts
going and sucks me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll
only take you a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping
that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement
about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely
cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my
head under the sink to find the button.
It is the last action I remember performing...
It struck without warning, and without any respect to
my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
gnashing metal teeth.
It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating
dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs.
She had been poised around the corner and stalked me
as I reached under the sink.
And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable,
she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and
snagged them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily
movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed,
with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or
flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose
only the "flight" option. I know this from experience.
I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink
and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over
me. Now there are not many things in this life worse
than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck
naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that"
paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the
paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to
conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress
their hysterical laughter.... ....and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all.
A few days later I finally made it back in to the
office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation
out of me about my head injury. I kept silent,
claiming it was too painful to talk about.
Which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your
tongue?"
If they only knew!
__________________
"I'll keep my money, guns and freedom. You can keep the "Change."
"I'll keep my money, guns and freedom. You can keep the "Change."
