A joke for teh slow ass basement..
Thread Starter
I still like honda's. :-/
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 16,762
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From: Gilbert, AZ
A joke for teh slow ass basement..
The State Trooper
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A Pennsylvania State Trooper pulled a car over on I-81 about two Miles north of the PA/MD state line.When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler, and he was on his way to Harrisburg to do a show that night at the Zembo Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him, he would not give him a ticket.
The driver told the trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler stated that he could, so the trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind The patrol car, a drunk got out, and watched the performance briefly.
He then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door, and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there's no way in the world I can pass that test."
:chuckles:
h:
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A Pennsylvania State Trooper pulled a car over on I-81 about two Miles north of the PA/MD state line.When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler, and he was on his way to Harrisburg to do a show that night at the Zembo Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him, he would not give him a ticket.
The driver told the trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler stated that he could, so the trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind The patrol car, a drunk got out, and watched the performance briefly.
He then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door, and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there's no way in the world I can pass that test."
:chuckles:
h:
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 30,331
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From: Montréal, Canada
In the forest
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the forest. A small
tree
begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a
son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he can't tell. Just
then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you
are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech
or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies,
"It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however,
the bes t piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the forest. A small
tree
begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a
son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he can't tell. Just
then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you
are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech
or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies,
"It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however,
the bes t piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 30,331
Likes: 0
From: Montréal, Canada
Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.
He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000'"
The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.
He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000'"
The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"
3G Integra Aficionada
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,745
Likes: 0
From: Maryland
Okay, you guys may have heard this one before, but whatever. It's still funny to me:
A Russian, a Mexican, a Jamaican, and a Californian are the only survivors of a plane crash. They've been floating out at sea for some time now. One day, the Russian pulls out a fifth of vodka, takes a swig and chucks the rest overboard. The other three stare at him in disbelief. Realizing what he had done, the Russian explained,
"I'm sorry, friends, but in Mother Russia we have so much vodka that it's like water. I did not think before I tossed it aside, I apologize."
The next day, the Jamaican takes a blunt from his coat pocket, takes a couple drags, and tosses it overboard. The others, especially shocked considering the previous day's mishap, glare at him angrily. He proceeds to apologize, saying
"I'm sorry, my brothers, but in Jamaica the ganja is so plentiful that it's like water. I did not think before I threw it to the waves. My humblest apologies."
The others reluctantly forgive the man and continue to drift. The very next day, the Californian takes the Mexican and tosses him overboard.
:uhhok:
A Russian, a Mexican, a Jamaican, and a Californian are the only survivors of a plane crash. They've been floating out at sea for some time now. One day, the Russian pulls out a fifth of vodka, takes a swig and chucks the rest overboard. The other three stare at him in disbelief. Realizing what he had done, the Russian explained,
"I'm sorry, friends, but in Mother Russia we have so much vodka that it's like water. I did not think before I tossed it aside, I apologize."
The next day, the Jamaican takes a blunt from his coat pocket, takes a couple drags, and tosses it overboard. The others, especially shocked considering the previous day's mishap, glare at him angrily. He proceeds to apologize, saying
"I'm sorry, my brothers, but in Jamaica the ganja is so plentiful that it's like water. I did not think before I threw it to the waves. My humblest apologies."
The others reluctantly forgive the man and continue to drift. The very next day, the Californian takes the Mexican and tosses him overboard.
:uhhok: