A man's wife slips into a coma. Months go by and nothing the doctors do can bring her out of it. So, one of the doctors pulls the man aside and says "Listen... feel free to say no, but I don't know if we have any other things to try. Nothing we've done has worked, so here goes. There are studies that have shown that the stimulation involved in oral sex can sometimes bring someone out of a coma. Would you like to try that?"

The man thinks on it for a bit and says "Well, I think it's worth a shot, but my wife was always a private person and she wouldn't want anyone else seeing us in an act like that. I think it would be ok, so long as I was the only one in the room.

The doctors agree and set up the medical monitors in the next room and let the man have time along with his wife. Almost immediately, they see her vital signs changing. They continue to watch, encouraged by the fluctuations on the monitors. Suddenly... everything flatlines.

The doctors rush in and start performing CPR. One of the doctors asks the man what happened and he says "Well, I'm no doctor, but I'd guess she choked!"

So, a man walks into a whorehouse, goes up to the bar and says, "Give me a beer and the most beautiful blonde you have!"

The bartender pours a full glass and directs him to wait at the table while he calls the blonde down.

The man sits down, enjoying his beer and the bowl of strawberries at the table. He sees this beautiful blonde, coming down the stairs. He gives her a big smile as she walks up to the table. Suddenly, she screams and runs away.

Confused and still horny, the man goes back up to the bar. "What was wrong with that girl? She ran off!"

The bartender replies, "The blondes are always kind of loopy, sorry about that...here's another beer.

"Fine." The man said. "Get me a brunette this time." So he grabs his beer and sits back down, enjoying the strawberries and waiting for his brunette.

The brunette comes up behind him while his mouth is full of strawberries. "What's up big boy." As he turns around, she slaps him, screaming, and runs away.

"Jesus, man. The brunettes are crazy, too! Get me a damn redhead!" The redhead comes down and runs away too.

"What are you doing at that table?" The bartender asks.

"Nothing just drinking my beer and eating these strawberries."

Horrified, the bartender whispers, "Those aren't strawberries. Those are this month's abortions."

Two politicians are discussing hot topics. One asks, "Where do you stand on abortions?" The second answers, "Nowhere, really. They're slippery."

Ole, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, takes a lightning-quick kick from a cow right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said 'How bad is it Doc? . . . I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my finance, Lena, is still a virgin - in every vay'.

The doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.' He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together . . quite an impressive work of art.

Ole mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they go on their honeymoon to Duluth . That night in the motel room, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said, 'You're the first vun. No vun has EVER seen deez.'

Ole immediately drops his pants and replies, 'Look at dis, ....still in da CRATE!'

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are out hunting buffalo one day. They're not having much luck, and the lone rider's getting frustrated. Finally, he turns to Tonto and says "Hey, you're the Indian guide here. Where the hell are all the buffalo?"

Tonto jumps down off his horse, kneels, and puts his ear to the ground. A few seconds later, he jumps back on his horse, turns to the Lone Ranger and says "Buffalo Come."

"How do you know?" asks the Lone Ranger.

"Ear Sticky".