1.penn goggles

After much time spent holed up in the University of Pennsylvania, the inability to tell the difference between Brad Pitt and Brad "I rather resemble a huge piece of" Shitt. Typical outcomes usually range from self-induced blindness to denial to, in the worst-case scenario, complete aversion of the opposite sex or resorting to partners such as the homeless man who paces in front of Wawa or the ladies who so meticulously swipe cards at Commons.
Sometimes, even penn goggles aren't strong enough to make the average student at Penn look attractive. Most times, however:
(friend from home, looking at pictures)
Friend: Ew, how'd this girl get in the picture with you. She should've lost major points on her SAT for ugliness.
Penn guy: Yeah, that's, uh.. my girlfriend.
Friend: Oh, wow. Do you need your perscription checked on your glasses buddy?
Penn guy: No, I actually don't wear glasses, I'm just wearing penn goggles.