Okay, serious answer..

Usually, I'm good with just a interior dust and exterior wash.
But my detail process consists of:
Interior vacuum and cleaning,
Wheels (Zymol)
Exterior wash (Zymol)
Tire Dressing (Meguiar's aerosol)

Twice yearly, Mother's claybar and Turtle Wax.
Mother's Showtime detailer for touchup.

Sadly, there's some swirl mark removal I need to tend to.h: While the first owner was excellent about maintenance, he picked up some bad habits in car washing.