Things to Do in an Office Meeting
>
> 1) Take notes in finger paint.
>
> 2) Bring a huge jar of Vaseline to the meeting. Display it prominently.
>
> 3) At sensitive moments, blow your nose raucously. Apologize for your
sinus
> condition.
>
> 4) Laugh uproariously at a quip that was made 2 or 3 minutes ago. Say,
"Oh,
> _now_ I get it!"
>
> 5) Wear a disposable paper face mask. Tell the group: "Hey, you don't want
> to catch what I've got!"
>
> 6) Check your watch very regularly, every 30 seconds or so.
>
> 7) Make a face like somebody beside you farted.
>
> 8) Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the _real_
> reason this meeting has been called.
>
> 9) Slowly slump in your seat. When you are about to fall off the chair,
> suddenly straighten up. Apologize profusely.
>
> 10) Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and
> sail it down the table.
>
> 11) Complain loudly that your neighbor won't stop touching you. Demand
that
> the boss make him/her stop doing it.
>
> 12) Have someone deliver a large cardboard box to you in the conference
> room. Apologize while you sign for it. About half an hour later, have a
> different person deliver another one.
>
> 13) Remove your shoes and socks. Lay your socks on the table, turn each
one
> inside out, and inspect them carefully. If anyone says anything, tell them
> "doctor's orders."
>
> 14) Roll your eyes at almost everything the boss says. If addressed
> directly, adopt a cowering posture and stammer pitifully as you reply. Ask
> that he or she "not hurt you anymore."
>
> 14) During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at
> least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like
you
> are building up to an orgasm.
>
> 15) Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them
for
> coming.
>
> 16) Every so often, duck under the table. Stare in horror. Pop back up and
> look real scared.
>
> 17) Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult
> points.
>
> 18) Take your temperature every so often with a candy thermometer.
>
> 19) Distribute free condoms before or after the meeting.
>
> 20) Make all the stereotyped facial expressions to indicate that you are a
> psychiatrist administering psychoanalysis to the speaker. Take notes
> furiously.
>
> 21) Bring a pitcher of non-alcoholic beer to the meeting. As the meeting
> progresses, start slurring your speech. Belch loudly. Tell your co-workers
> you can't help it. Start crying.
>
> 22) Have a timer that buzzes at intervals. When it goes off, take a pill
> from a pill case and gulp it down. If anyone asks, tell them it's to
> "prevent the seizures."
>
> 23) Lapse into a staring coma. Drool. Have a confederate wipe the spit
from
> your lips, and say "It's pitiful. But what can you do?"
>
> 24) At opportune times, stick an inhaler in your ear. Inhale deeply.
>
> 25)Ask your neighbor, nearer the speaker, to trade places with you "so you
> can hear better." Gradually work your way up to the speaker. When you are
as
> close as possible, stare up at them adoringly. After a while, change your
> expression to a frown, sigh heartbreakingly, and begin to stare into
space.
>
> 26) Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at
> everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that
> the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.
>
> 27) Wear shades and carry a walkie-talkie with an earphone. Once in a
while,
> quietly say a few words into it.
>
> 28) Bring a doughnut cushion and use it. If anybody asks, say that your
> hemorrhoids are really acting up this week. Offer to share it if they
really
> need it. Be embarrassingly persistent in your offer. Offer to show them
how
> bad they are.
>
> 29) Wear brightly-colored earmuffs. Explain that "my ears tend to get real
> cold at these meetings." Ask the speaker to please talk a little louder.
>
> 30) Stand up and start doing the Macarena. Forcibly wrestle yourself back
> into your chair. Look real embarrassed. Tell everybody "My doctor's
> appointment is tomorrow."
>
> 31) Bring a large box of Depends to the meeting. Stow them under the
> conference table. Explain to a neighbor: "Just in case."
>
> 32) Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If
> possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect.
> Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the
> printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously,
> and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"
>
> 33) Bring a few telephone books. Add a few to sit on, adjusting your seat
> height until the top of your head is exactly one-half inch higher than the
> speaker's. Explain that you sometimes have trouble seeing the
presentation.
>
> 34) Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly
> enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst
> into tears, then leave the room.
>
> 35) Play a game of jacks on the conference table. Explain that it helps
you
> concentrate.
>
> 36) When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your
> feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I
> see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not
> actually your boss's.)
>

 

:chuckles: :thumbup:

 

holy shit thats funny :rofl:

 

:lmfao: that was great...

 

too bad i would be raped if i did that at a meeting....but god it would be funny....

 

bwhwhaherhaerhaehahea, that is halrious, I'm a stickler for forwards, but I'll be sending this one out :thumbup:.

 

 

That was great

 

man...i wish we can actually do any of those things w/out getting in trouble...

 

37) get fired