Sir Bedevere: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
Peasant 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us!
Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
Peasant 1: Burn them!
Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches?
Peasant 1: More witches!
Peasant 2: Wood!
Sir Bedevere: Correct. Now, why do witches burn?
Peasant 3: ...because they're made of... wood?
Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?
Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her!
Sir Bedevere: But don't we also build bridges out of stone?
Peasant 1: Oh yeah.
Sir Bedevere: Now, does wood float in water?
Peasant 1: No, no... Throw her into the pond!
Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water?
Peasant 1: Bread!
Peasant 2: Apples!
Peasant 3: Very small rocks!
Peasant 2: Cherries! Great lumpy gravy!
Peasant 3: Crutches!
King Arthur: A Duck!
Sir Bedevere: Exactly!

 

King Arthur: Can we come up and have a look?
French Soldier: Of course not! You're English types.
King Arthur: What are you then?
French Soldier: I'm French! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?
Sir Galahad: What are you doing in England?
French Soldier: Mind your own business!

 

King Arthur: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
French Soldier: No, now go away before I taunt you a second time.

 

*gasp* IT's......CAMELOT!

....it's only a model....

QUIET!

 

im not a witch, im not! They dressed me as one!

is this true?

no, no.....well, maybe....we did the nose...

 

what

















the

















fuck

 

King Arthur: Old woman!
Dennis: Man.
King Arthur: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis: I'm 37.
King Arthur: What?
Dennis: I'm 37. I'm not old.
King Arthur: Well I can't just call you "man".
Dennis: Well you could say "Dennis".
King Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis.
Dennis: Well you didn't bother to find out did you?
King Arthur: I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind you looked...
Dennis: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.
King Arthur: Well I am king.
Dennis: Oh, king eh? Very nice! And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.

 

King Arthur: I am your king!
Woman: Well I didn't vote for you!
King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well how'd you become king then?
[Angelic music plays...]
King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king!
Dennis: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!

 

:squint: don't whore my thread
Dennis: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!

Dennis: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!