Ways of the Asians
05-27-2003, 02:40 PM
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Ways of the Asians
1. You love to go to $1.75 movies.
2. You love to go to $1.50 movies even more!
3. You hate to spend more than $5 for lunch.
4. You turn bright red after drinking 2 tablespoons of beer.
5. You can get a buzz on Coors Cutter, O'douls, or Miller Sharps.
6. You look like you are 18.
7. You always look up at women, if you are male.
8. You always look up at Chinese men, if you are female.
9. You live at your parents house, and you are not claimed as a dependent by them.
10. You sing Karaoke.
11. You leave the plastic on your lampshade for 10 years or more.
12. You love watching Connie Chung and Terilyn Joe.
13. You can't bear to throw away things.
14. Your dad washes his hair 4 times a year.
15. You hate getting B's.
16. Your house smells like preserved fish.
17. Your house smells like Chinese medicine.
18. You have about 12-20 uncles and aunts.
19. Your wife cuts your hair.
20. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
21. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your "coke bottle glasses".
22. You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.
23. You had a bowl cut before.
24. If you lose a dollar, you dwell upon it for more then 5 minutes.
25. Your parents own a restaurant, grocery store, or dry cleaner.
26. Your hair sticks up when you wake up.
27. You get a rush from getting a good deal.
28. You'll make ridiculous offers when bargaining. ("I'll give you $5 for that car").
29. You'll haggle over something that is not negotiable.
30. You love to use coupons.
31. You drive around looking for the cheapest gas.
32. You add twice the recommended amount of water when making orange juice from concentrate.
33. You'll squeeze a toothpaste tube down to paper thin.
34. You'll learned about sex from someone other then your parents.
35. You'll be convinced your parents had sex as many times as required to produce you and your siblings.
36. You've never seen your parents kiss or hug.
37. You spend six months researching a $20 purchase.
38. You never buy stuff from the concession stands at the movies.
39. You tip 15% or less.
40. You never order dessert at restaurants.
41. You always ask for water when dining out.
42. You try not to use the bellhop, for fear of tipping.
43. You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms.
44. You don't mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.
45. You want your dollar back from the friend who borrowed it right away.
46. You get the runs when you drink lots of milk.
47. Most girls have more body hair than you if you are male.
48. You speak "Chinglish", which is 40% Chinese, 40% English, and 20% grunts.
49. Your parents don't want you to move out when you turn 18.
50. Your parents want to live with you when they are old.
51. You say "Aiya!" and "Wah!" frequently.
52. You lie about your kids' ages when going to a movie or amusement park.
53. You lie about your age to get a senior citizen's discount.
54. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.
55. You love to play Mahjong.
56. You live like you don't have a dime to your name.
57. You are constantly being set up with uninteresting people by your parents.
58. You can use the words "*****" and "chinaman" with impunity.
59. Your clothes smell like fried foods.
60. You talk at the top of your voice at all occasions.
61. You hate eating cheese.
62. You look forward to Saturday morning brunch at the Price Club free sample circuit.
63. You enjoy listening to sappy Hong Kong pop music.
64. You don't mind working on Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Year's Day.
65. You are a Doctor, Lawyer, or Engineer.
66. The only High School team you were on was the chess club.
67. You don't mind getting bad service, since you can justifiably tip less.
68. You don't mind a 6 hour layover in Vancouver when flying from LA to DC so you can get the cheapest flight.
69. Your mom likes to load up on extra napkins, ketchup, and airline peanuts.
70. You like to wash plastic utensils and reuse them.
71. You lived in the back of your parents' grocery store.
72. Your parents always get into these "no credit check" loan schemes with 20 other Chinese to drum up instant cash.
73. When you are at an all you can drink counter, you would fill your drink up to the top just before you leave.
74. You're disappointed at your 4.8 GPA in HS - Darn shoulda been a 5.0!
75. You eat rice everyday.
76. You peel the price sticker off to see what the original price was before the sale.
77. You take anything that's free - even if just to cover your desk drawers.
78. When you are at an American restaurant you put the tea bag in the pot of hot water, and not the cup.
79. You never turn on the heater in your house during winter and you tell everyone to wear more clothes.
80. You never use the drier when you have one and you air-dry all your clothes.
81. Your relatives save Saran Wrap to "get the grease off above the stove", but you know they reuse it.
82. You have more than four grandparents.
83. You can bathe out of a plastic tub in the middle of a tile bathroom floor.
84. Air conditioner? What air conditioner?
85. Your parents own a grocery store, restaurant, jewelry store, or video store, but you have to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer.
86. You think store hours are only a general guideline.
87. You want to drive a Volvo or Mercedes.
88. Your parents feel the need to rationalize why you're not going to Stanford.
89. Your medicine cabinet is overflowing with expired drugs just case.
90. You think crushed ice is a dessert.
91. Your parents are convinced that everyone is out to get them.
92. You wear slippers that make thwapping noises.
93. You gossip about anything with anyone.
94. You have plush toys in the back window of your car.
95. You cheer every time you see a Chinese person on TV
96. Your mom is always renting those videotapes of Chinese soap operas.
97. You eat all those weird candies. (White rabbit, sugus, gummy things, dried plums).
98. Your parents use all those Chinese medicines. (Man Gum Yau, Bak Fa Yau).
99. You have a home Karaoke system.
100. You wear an article of clothing at least twice before you consider washing it.
101. Your parents have no concept of bacteria or food poisoning.
102. You were always too modest to take showers in gym class.
103. Every other Asian kid at your elementary school, according to your classmates, was either your love interest or related to you.
104. Every time you barf, you're amazed at how much rice you see.
105. You can only wish that the size of your manhood (or your boobs) was directly proportional to your IQ.
106. If it weren't for the invention of gel, every day would be a bad hair day.
107. As a kid, you hated running into your friends at the supermarket when you were with your parents.
108. Your parents talk WAY too loud.
109. You insist on being called "Asian" rather than "Oriental".
110. Everyone in your school assumed you were smart, rich, celibate, and knew karate.
111. If you've ever entertained the thought of going to China to find a spouse.
112. You mourn the cancellation of the show "Vanishing Son".
2. You love to go to $1.50 movies even more!
3. You hate to spend more than $5 for lunch.
4. You turn bright red after drinking 2 tablespoons of beer.
5. You can get a buzz on Coors Cutter, O'douls, or Miller Sharps.
6. You look like you are 18.
7. You always look up at women, if you are male.
8. You always look up at Chinese men, if you are female.
9. You live at your parents house, and you are not claimed as a dependent by them.
10. You sing Karaoke.
11. You leave the plastic on your lampshade for 10 years or more.
12. You love watching Connie Chung and Terilyn Joe.
13. You can't bear to throw away things.
14. Your dad washes his hair 4 times a year.
15. You hate getting B's.
16. Your house smells like preserved fish.
17. Your house smells like Chinese medicine.
18. You have about 12-20 uncles and aunts.
19. Your wife cuts your hair.
20. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
21. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your "coke bottle glasses".
22. You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.
23. You had a bowl cut before.
24. If you lose a dollar, you dwell upon it for more then 5 minutes.
25. Your parents own a restaurant, grocery store, or dry cleaner.
26. Your hair sticks up when you wake up.
27. You get a rush from getting a good deal.
28. You'll make ridiculous offers when bargaining. ("I'll give you $5 for that car").
29. You'll haggle over something that is not negotiable.
30. You love to use coupons.
31. You drive around looking for the cheapest gas.
32. You add twice the recommended amount of water when making orange juice from concentrate.
33. You'll squeeze a toothpaste tube down to paper thin.
34. You'll learned about sex from someone other then your parents.
35. You'll be convinced your parents had sex as many times as required to produce you and your siblings.
36. You've never seen your parents kiss or hug.
37. You spend six months researching a $20 purchase.
38. You never buy stuff from the concession stands at the movies.
39. You tip 15% or less.
40. You never order dessert at restaurants.
41. You always ask for water when dining out.
42. You try not to use the bellhop, for fear of tipping.
43. You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms.
44. You don't mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.
45. You want your dollar back from the friend who borrowed it right away.
46. You get the runs when you drink lots of milk.
47. Most girls have more body hair than you if you are male.
48. You speak "Chinglish", which is 40% Chinese, 40% English, and 20% grunts.
49. Your parents don't want you to move out when you turn 18.
50. Your parents want to live with you when they are old.
51. You say "Aiya!" and "Wah!" frequently.
52. You lie about your kids' ages when going to a movie or amusement park.
53. You lie about your age to get a senior citizen's discount.
54. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.
55. You love to play Mahjong.
56. You live like you don't have a dime to your name.
57. You are constantly being set up with uninteresting people by your parents.
58. You can use the words "*****" and "chinaman" with impunity.
59. Your clothes smell like fried foods.
60. You talk at the top of your voice at all occasions.
61. You hate eating cheese.
62. You look forward to Saturday morning brunch at the Price Club free sample circuit.
63. You enjoy listening to sappy Hong Kong pop music.
64. You don't mind working on Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Year's Day.
65. You are a Doctor, Lawyer, or Engineer.
66. The only High School team you were on was the chess club.
67. You don't mind getting bad service, since you can justifiably tip less.
68. You don't mind a 6 hour layover in Vancouver when flying from LA to DC so you can get the cheapest flight.
69. Your mom likes to load up on extra napkins, ketchup, and airline peanuts.
70. You like to wash plastic utensils and reuse them.
71. You lived in the back of your parents' grocery store.
72. Your parents always get into these "no credit check" loan schemes with 20 other Chinese to drum up instant cash.
73. When you are at an all you can drink counter, you would fill your drink up to the top just before you leave.
74. You're disappointed at your 4.8 GPA in HS - Darn shoulda been a 5.0!
75. You eat rice everyday.
76. You peel the price sticker off to see what the original price was before the sale.
77. You take anything that's free - even if just to cover your desk drawers.
78. When you are at an American restaurant you put the tea bag in the pot of hot water, and not the cup.
79. You never turn on the heater in your house during winter and you tell everyone to wear more clothes.
80. You never use the drier when you have one and you air-dry all your clothes.
81. Your relatives save Saran Wrap to "get the grease off above the stove", but you know they reuse it.
82. You have more than four grandparents.
83. You can bathe out of a plastic tub in the middle of a tile bathroom floor.
84. Air conditioner? What air conditioner?
85. Your parents own a grocery store, restaurant, jewelry store, or video store, but you have to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer.
86. You think store hours are only a general guideline.
87. You want to drive a Volvo or Mercedes.
88. Your parents feel the need to rationalize why you're not going to Stanford.
89. Your medicine cabinet is overflowing with expired drugs just case.
90. You think crushed ice is a dessert.
91. Your parents are convinced that everyone is out to get them.
92. You wear slippers that make thwapping noises.
93. You gossip about anything with anyone.
94. You have plush toys in the back window of your car.
95. You cheer every time you see a Chinese person on TV
96. Your mom is always renting those videotapes of Chinese soap operas.
97. You eat all those weird candies. (White rabbit, sugus, gummy things, dried plums).
98. Your parents use all those Chinese medicines. (Man Gum Yau, Bak Fa Yau).
99. You have a home Karaoke system.
100. You wear an article of clothing at least twice before you consider washing it.
101. Your parents have no concept of bacteria or food poisoning.
102. You were always too modest to take showers in gym class.
103. Every other Asian kid at your elementary school, according to your classmates, was either your love interest or related to you.
104. Every time you barf, you're amazed at how much rice you see.
105. You can only wish that the size of your manhood (or your boobs) was directly proportional to your IQ.
106. If it weren't for the invention of gel, every day would be a bad hair day.
107. As a kid, you hated running into your friends at the supermarket when you were with your parents.
108. Your parents talk WAY too loud.
109. You insist on being called "Asian" rather than "Oriental".
110. Everyone in your school assumed you were smart, rich, celibate, and knew karate.
111. If you've ever entertained the thought of going to China to find a spouse.
112. You mourn the cancellation of the show "Vanishing Son".
hfawk: