It was only a matter of time, wasn’t it? The news that an Australian stripper is being accused of raping a man at a bachelor party should sound a warning shot for stripper-lovers worldwide. What was once a (relatively) harmless, cherished male-bonding activity—paying women to take off their clothes—has become an increasingly dangerous endeavor. With more and more stripper nights ending in shootings, disease, and general fuckery, it’s high time Complex laid down the law. Follow our 10 Stripper Commandments and you’ll enjoy mouths full of titties while keeping your wallet, criminal record, and manhood intact.



#10) NEVER EVER FALL IN LOVE WITH A STRIPPER. EVER.
C’mon, now. Self-evident. Your relationship will only end up in headache, heartbreak, and hepatitis.



#9) MAKE IT RAIN AT YOUR OWN PERIL.
Take it from my man above: Unless you’re on the closed set of a rap video, do not throw large amounts of money around a strip club. The dancers will wile out, and the other dudes will HATE. And then you’ll have to bust shots, and you don’t want to do that.



#8) DON’T GO TO A STRIP CLUB ALONE.
Not just because it’s pathetic, it’s because shit like this can happen. The lonely guy above is having some motorboat fun, but two hours later he’ll be unconscious in a pool of vomit in the champagne room. Just like girls travel in packs to the nightclub to cockblock for each other, so too should men at the titty bar.

#7) REMEMBER THAT CROTCHES ARE HOTBEDS OF DISEASE.
Keep this in mind next time you want to put your face between a stripper’s ass cheeks.



#6) STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM DUDES THAT LOOK LIKE THIS.



#5) NEVER FIGHT IN A STRIP CLUB.
Lest you end up looking like one of Michael Vick’s dogs.

#5.1) BUT IF TWO STRIPPERS START SCRAPPIN’, SIT BACK AND ENJOY.



#4) SKIP THE STRIP SHOW IF YOU’RE IN EUROPE.
Save the strip-club experience for the country that does it best—the good ol’ U.S. of A., where girls strip to pay tuition and guys bring their wifeys to the club. European strip joints are gloomy and filled with aging Eastern European women who’ve witnessed wartime atrocities and are looking for a ticket to a better life. Not arousing.



#3) MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT TYPE OF CLUB YOU’RE IN.
Full nude separates the women from the…non-women.



#2) AS ALWAYS, AVOID THE POLICE.
Cops buzz around strip bars like flies around shit. Don’t give ‘em a reason to get dumb. R.I.P., Sean Bell.



#1) MOST IMPORTANTLY—IF YOU EVER FIND YOURSELF ON ALL FOURS IN FRONT OF A STRIPPER WITH A VIBRATING DILDO…GET THE FLYING FUCK OUTTA THERE.