The Bacon Tree
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I go duffy on dem bitches
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 28,248
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From: Gonzales, Louisiana
The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'
'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.'
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
'Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'
'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.'
'Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.
And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
'Pepe... go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree.'
'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?
'Pepe... ees not a bacon tree...
Ees
Ees
Ees
Eees a Ham Bush.
'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'
'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.'
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
'Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'
'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.'
'Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.
And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
'Pepe... go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree.'
'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?
'Pepe... ees not a bacon tree...
Ees
Ees
Ees
Eees a Ham Bush.
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 30,331
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From: Montréal, Canada
One day, a woman came up to her husband and told him that the TV was broken and she was missing her shows.
"Does it say cable repairman anywhere on my forehead?" he asked.
"No," she said.
A few minutes later she came back and told him that the porch was breaking and it was dangerous.
"Does it say carpenter anywhere on my forehead?" he asked.
"No," she said again.
A few minutes later, she came back and told him the toilet was backed up.
"Does it say 'plumber' anywhere on my forehead?" he asked.
"No," she replied.
A couple of days later he went on a business trip.
When he came back he asked how things had been.
"Well," she said, "our neighbor down the street came over and fixed our TV, repaired our porch and unclogged our pipes."
"What did he ask for in payment?" he wondered.
"All he asked for was a chocolate cake or sex," she told him.
"What did you do?" he asked.
She looked at him smugly and said, "Do you see Betty Crocker written anywhere on my forehead?"
"Does it say cable repairman anywhere on my forehead?" he asked.
"No," she said.
A few minutes later she came back and told him that the porch was breaking and it was dangerous.
"Does it say carpenter anywhere on my forehead?" he asked.
"No," she said again.
A few minutes later, she came back and told him the toilet was backed up.
"Does it say 'plumber' anywhere on my forehead?" he asked.
"No," she replied.
A couple of days later he went on a business trip.
When he came back he asked how things had been.
"Well," she said, "our neighbor down the street came over and fixed our TV, repaired our porch and unclogged our pipes."
"What did he ask for in payment?" he wondered.
"All he asked for was a chocolate cake or sex," she told him.
"What did you do?" he asked.
She looked at him smugly and said, "Do you see Betty Crocker written anywhere on my forehead?"