Detroit Lions coach is looking for a new quarterback. But after scouting all the colleges, he hasn’t found his man. Then one night he sees a news clip of a Bosnian soldier hurling grenades through 15-story windows from 200 yards away. That guy’s got an amazing arm, the coach says to himself. We’ve got to give him a tryout. So the coach brings him to America, and a year later, with their new Bosnian quarterback, the Lions win their first Super Bowl. After the game the quarterback telephones his mother. “Mom,” he yells, “we won the Super Bowl! I’m famous and rich!” “I don’t want to talk to you,” his mother says. “But, Mom,” the star player pleads,“I just won the Super Bowl!”

“I don’t care,” she answers. “At this moment there are gunshots all around. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week.” She pauses, then tearfully says, “I’ll never forgive you for bringing us to Detroit.”









A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating. “Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked. “They’re mating,” her father replied. “What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked. “That’s a daddy longlegs.” her father answered. “So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked. “No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy longlegs.” The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat. “Well, we’re not having that sort of shit in our garden.”

 

I liked the first one h:

 

first one was awesome!

 

200 yards away is impossible.

 

ROFLez at first one... chcuklez at the second....

 

both funny as shit

 

chuckled at both

 

The first one is a little meh cus it wasnt believeable...now if you said 100 yards away, then i'd believe you

 

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


[SPOILER="Punchline"]2, But no one knows how they got in there.[/SPOILER]

 

good oneses