Dave the Hen v.AttemptAtHumor
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Dave the Hen v.AttemptAtHumor
Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening
stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was
already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the
end of his bed wearing a long flowing white Robe.
"Who the hell are you?" demanded Dave, "and what are
you doing in my bedroom?"
The mysterious man answered "This isn't your bedroom
and I'm St Peter."
Dave was stunned "You mean I'm dead!?!! That can't be,
I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . you've
got to send me back straight away."
St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but
there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not
far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later
he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this
strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're
the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Dave, "but I have this
strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode."
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell
me you've never laid an egg before?"
"Never!" replies Dave.
"Well just relax and let it happen"
So he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later,
an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept
over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood
for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness
was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the
best thing that ever happened to him . . Ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his
third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his
wife shouting...
"Dave, wake up you drunken bastard, you've shit the
bed.
stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was
already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the
end of his bed wearing a long flowing white Robe.
"Who the hell are you?" demanded Dave, "and what are
you doing in my bedroom?"
The mysterious man answered "This isn't your bedroom
and I'm St Peter."
Dave was stunned "You mean I'm dead!?!! That can't be,
I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . you've
got to send me back straight away."
St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but
there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not
far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later
he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this
strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're
the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Dave, "but I have this
strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode."
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell
me you've never laid an egg before?"
"Never!" replies Dave.
"Well just relax and let it happen"
So he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later,
an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept
over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood
for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness
was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the
best thing that ever happened to him . . Ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his
third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his
wife shouting...
"Dave, wake up you drunken bastard, you've shit the
bed.
