Office BBQ from hell
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Wannabe yuppie
Joined: Dec 2000
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From: Madison, WI
Office BBQ from hell
I just got home from a lovely experience: my company July 4th bbq.
The plan was, head over to the head honcho for our office's house, grill stuff, drink, chill out, whatever. Today the boss sent out an email saying it had to be a non-alcoholic bbq because of corporate HR rules, so everyone skipped out early and went to a bar. Imagine 40 or so corporate assholes on a casual day getting drunk at about 2 pm on a tuesday. Yup. Myself, I just wasn't feeling like getting tanked so I nursed 1 beer.
Everyone went over to the boss' house where he has a big huge driveway and garage and whatnot. 6-burner all stainless grill out front, and a shit ton of food. Burgers, brats, italian sausage, chicken, steaks, and all the fixins for all of it. We were just hanging out, and one guy gets the grill going with all 6 burners at full fucking whack, just starts throwin shit on there. Brats, italian sausages right next to em so you can't tell em apart, burgers, chicken, everything...and all way too hot. Shit started burning so I offered to help out.
Just as I was getting it sorted out, another dumb drunk fuck was like "hey I was a short order cook in college, let me grill something!!!!" Oh and the chicken had been prepared by an evil demonic harpy woman who had at this point had way too much to drink and even though she had insisted to the guy who didn't know how to turn the burners down that she wanted to cook her chicken, was too busy showing off her car stereo playing that horrible Timbaland cd.
But whatever, I got shit under control, started cranking out the food, and all was well. Until harpy woman showed up demanding to know who had thrown her chicken on the grill. I told her it was full-fucking-whack burner guy. She starts literally shrieking at the top of her lungs about how her "creation" was not being done justice, and demanded that she cook the rest of the chicken herself. I said fine, go ahead, the right two burners are all hers.
About this time, it started to rain. Hard. So I and full-fucking-whack burner guy (who really was very helpful overall) managed to get the grill under somewhere protected, except not my back. Harpy chicken woman kept trying to take over more grill space. Somewhere in there I managed to cook a couple veggie burgers for vegetarian girl, and then dumb drunk slut girl started demanding steaks, and I got those going too. All while harpy bitch was fucking around with her chicken, throwing it on the burners I had going all high for the steaks, and I kept having to tell her "hey that part of the grill is going to burn your chicken," in between when other people came up to talk to her who she tried to poke with the grill tongs and scream at.
The whole time, I kept a smile on my face, served all the food, everyone was very pleased. Harpy bitch's chicken, eh not so much of a crowd pleaser. By the time I was done, I surrendered the whole grill to her so she could finish all of her chicken for nobody in particular. I had been standing over the grill for a good 2 hours, was sweaty, covered in rain, and in no mood to start drinking beer. It was all I could do to stay sociable for another 45 minutes or so with all the folks who were way drunker than I, until I felt as if I was going to crack up if I didn't get out of there. I said my peace outs, graciously accepted the thank-yous for my cooking, and escaped.
Now I'm home, I'm worn out from being "switched on" in crowd pleasing mode for so long, and I smell like a grease trap. Ugh. All I can say is, good thing I'm not working tomorrow.
The plan was, head over to the head honcho for our office's house, grill stuff, drink, chill out, whatever. Today the boss sent out an email saying it had to be a non-alcoholic bbq because of corporate HR rules, so everyone skipped out early and went to a bar. Imagine 40 or so corporate assholes on a casual day getting drunk at about 2 pm on a tuesday. Yup. Myself, I just wasn't feeling like getting tanked so I nursed 1 beer.
Everyone went over to the boss' house where he has a big huge driveway and garage and whatnot. 6-burner all stainless grill out front, and a shit ton of food. Burgers, brats, italian sausage, chicken, steaks, and all the fixins for all of it. We were just hanging out, and one guy gets the grill going with all 6 burners at full fucking whack, just starts throwin shit on there. Brats, italian sausages right next to em so you can't tell em apart, burgers, chicken, everything...and all way too hot. Shit started burning so I offered to help out.
Just as I was getting it sorted out, another dumb drunk fuck was like "hey I was a short order cook in college, let me grill something!!!!" Oh and the chicken had been prepared by an evil demonic harpy woman who had at this point had way too much to drink and even though she had insisted to the guy who didn't know how to turn the burners down that she wanted to cook her chicken, was too busy showing off her car stereo playing that horrible Timbaland cd.
But whatever, I got shit under control, started cranking out the food, and all was well. Until harpy woman showed up demanding to know who had thrown her chicken on the grill. I told her it was full-fucking-whack burner guy. She starts literally shrieking at the top of her lungs about how her "creation" was not being done justice, and demanded that she cook the rest of the chicken herself. I said fine, go ahead, the right two burners are all hers.
About this time, it started to rain. Hard. So I and full-fucking-whack burner guy (who really was very helpful overall) managed to get the grill under somewhere protected, except not my back. Harpy chicken woman kept trying to take over more grill space. Somewhere in there I managed to cook a couple veggie burgers for vegetarian girl, and then dumb drunk slut girl started demanding steaks, and I got those going too. All while harpy bitch was fucking around with her chicken, throwing it on the burners I had going all high for the steaks, and I kept having to tell her "hey that part of the grill is going to burn your chicken," in between when other people came up to talk to her who she tried to poke with the grill tongs and scream at.
The whole time, I kept a smile on my face, served all the food, everyone was very pleased. Harpy bitch's chicken, eh not so much of a crowd pleaser. By the time I was done, I surrendered the whole grill to her so she could finish all of her chicken for nobody in particular. I had been standing over the grill for a good 2 hours, was sweaty, covered in rain, and in no mood to start drinking beer. It was all I could do to stay sociable for another 45 minutes or so with all the folks who were way drunker than I, until I felt as if I was going to crack up if I didn't get out of there. I said my peace outs, graciously accepted the thank-yous for my cooking, and escaped.
Now I'm home, I'm worn out from being "switched on" in crowd pleasing mode for so long, and I smell like a grease trap. Ugh. All I can say is, good thing I'm not working tomorrow.
