Woot Sells PS3? Wii, Wii!

So, hey, check it out: there’s this awesome new gaming system that we just can’t stop playing. Too bad it’s so hard to find in stores – we guess they just didn’t make enough of them. It’s called the Nintendo Wii, and holy mother of Zelda, is it ever a blast. If the Wii is cool with polygamy, we might ask it to marry us.

The controller – so easy! No more intricate push-this-twice, pull-that-three-times trickery, just easy waves of the hand. The console – so cute! It actually makes our gaming room look better, unlike the bulky, ugly consoles we could mention. How does Nintendo keep the price so low on that thing, anyway? And the games, good Lord, the games! Not to mention those adorable avatars. We’ve already created virtual versions of the entire staff, so we can beat each other virtually-bloody instead of actually-bloody, like we usually do. The only problem is that none of the nose options are as big as Jason’s actual nose. But that’s a minor quibble.

In fact, we love the Wii so much, we want to give a Wii to everybody on our payroll. To fund this Wii-for-the-People program, we're selling this Sony PlayStation 3. The SIXAXIS wireless controller is basically the same complicated gazillion-button-style controller you know from past PS models, but at least you won’t be fighting Grandma for gaming time. Along with the usual roster of ho-hum games, the PS3 can play CDs, DVDs, and Blu-Ray discs, and the 20GB hard drive can store music, videos, and music videos. It’s certainly, er, rather full-figured, for those of you who want a lot of heft for your money. And its HDMI capabilities give you polygons and frames-per-second out the wazoo, if you prefer that stuff to having fun.

Best of all, for every PS3 you buy, we can buy Wiis for two of our employees. So when you get frustrated by those intricate combo-button moves, or bored by the underwhelming game offerings for the PS3, keep the spirit of the season in mind. Remember all those happy Woot staffers whose lives have been changed by their super-fun Nintendo Wiis, paid for by you. Heartwarming, isn’t it?