I need HAN's help on this one.

So my wife got us into a sticky situation. Here is the situation. We are going to find out what the sex of our baby is going to be this week. :yay: But my Mom asked my wife if she could come with us when we find out. Because my wife is such a people pleaser she said yes, to my Mom, even though she only wants it to be her and I at the doctors. Now I am left to inform my Mom that she can't come.

What I am wondering is how should I do this? Would it be rude to write her an email? Or is this something that I should tell her in person? I would prefer to email her because she can be very manipulating and I don't want to have to deal with that. But I feel like I should tell her that she can't come in person. I don't know what to do. Anyway's help me out with this one. Thanks.

 

Email if u feel she can be manipulative...i mean its something big between u and ur wife...mother can wait in the waiting room if need be or she can get told over the phone./

 

Don't be such a pussy? It's just your mom.

 

It is totally something that I feel my Mom can hear over the phone. The waiting room isn't a bad idea.

:lmao: I am not afraid of her. I just know how she is.

 

I've been the bearer of good advice lately

 

Just call her up and tell her.........email seems a bit unpersonal (she is, afterall, your mom), and in the waiting rooms is too late. Trust me, no matter how good your relationship with your parents is, you are going to have times when you need to put your foot down. Once you have kids, things change (obviously), and there are many times when you need to do what you (and your wife) think is right, not necessarily what other people think is right - this many times make others (such as grandparents) feeling upset, hurt, etc. For example, holidays, birthdays, random weekends, babysitting, etc. all present "unique" situations where things can easily get mixed/messed up. You might as well start making it known now, that it is your baby and you are the parents, and what you say goes. I am in no way condoning pissing off the grandparents, or anyone else for that matter, and I fully understand their excitement, joy, pride, etc., but along with many other things, your new baby will pull you in MANY different directions (and many different people). haha I hope I didn't confuse you, but my wife and I both had/have great relationships with our parents, but we still find ourselves getting in sticky situations like yours - it is unavoidable sometimes (you may say something, your wife may say something else - both innocent - and before you know it, you have someone coming over, someone's feathers are ruffled, etc.). Like I said, after 3.5 years and two kids, we still haven't got a good solution, but being up front and honest typically works the best - waiting to say something, or biting your tounge to many times, only leads to making things worse. Good luck!

 

Its always nice to have someone, who isn't emotionally attached to a situation, be able to share words of wisdom. Thanks.

 

I totally agree with you. Like you both my wife and I have a great relationship with our parents. I can forsee my Mom trying to help out with our baby a little too much. Thus making my wife feel inadequate. Your advice about helping others understand that we are the parents is great advice. I will pass it along to my wife. Because its better to start that now then later. It sucks when you want to make everyone happy but you know that someone will always feel some what put out. But you can't live your life making everyone happy, because that isn't possible. Thanks for your help. :thumbup:

 

You are right on about not being able to make everyone happy - no matter how hard you try. haha The important thing now, is to make sure that everyone that "your" family (wife and child/kids) are happy, safe, and healthy. As much as grandparents (or others) want to be involved and help out, they have to (and will, but sometimes it takes a bit lol) understand that you and your wife are just doing what is best for your new family. I wil say, once routines and boundaries (for lack of a better way to put it) are established, things do get a bit easier.

On a final note, I don't know how close both sides of your families live to you guys, but if they are relatively close, holidays present a whole new can of worms........lol good luck! But seriously, these are "good" problems to have - remember, there are A TON of worse things that need to be delt with by others.

 

Get a restraining order. We like to just fix the glitch.