Planet-F1 brings you the presents the stars are almost 99 percent certain to be buying each other this Christmas...

To Antonio Pizzonia From Nick Heidfeld
Present: A season ticket for Alton Towers
Note from Nick: Because you’ll need something to do on Sundays this summer.

To the Indianapolis Medical Centre from Ralf Schumacher
Present: Operation from Hasbro games
Use all your skill and coordination to remove the patient's "ailments" with the tweezers - without setting off the buzzer and making the patient's nose light up! When that happens, it's time to call in a specialist
Note from Ralf: This is probably about your level.

To Eddie Irvine from David Coulthard
Present: Tickets to the British Grand Prix
Note from DC: Eddie, no hard feelings mate. I won’t need these in 2005 because I’ll be driving IN THE RACE. How about you…?

To Kimi Raikkonen from his friends at the Ferrari team
Present: A lovely silver fishing rod
Note from the Scuderia: It's to go with your designer silver duffel coat. Then you can look like a little gnome while speaking like a little troll.

To Juan-Pablo Montoya from the Williams mechanics
Present: Four boxes of King size Mars bars
Note from the mechanics: Good luck in 2005 fatboy. Go on, treat yourself, it’s Christmas. That new McLaren’s bound to take a bloke your size, a few extra pounds won’t hurt.

To Michael Schumacher from Ralf Schumacher
Present: 148 ‘Fluff My Muff’ Vibrator attachments
Note from Ralf: Michael, I managed to get my money back from the sex shops investment, provided I got you to sign 100 of these. You can keep the spare 48 to wash the car with. Happy Christmas, Ralf, Cora and David (Schumacher, obviously, not Coulthard).

To Bernie Ecclestone from Luca Montzemeolo
Present: The Official FOCA TV 2004 F1 Season Review DVD
Note from Luca: Hope you enjoy it, Bernie. Only three more left now.

To Christian Klien from Mark Webber
Present: CK1 (after-shave)
Note from Mark: Thought you might like to see what it looks like cos I guess with David coming to Red Bull it’s going to be CK2 for most of 2005.

To Charlie Whiting from Ross Brawn
Present: A case of vintage Moet et Chandon champagne
Note from Ross: Thanks for those experimental BAR torque transfer drawings you accidentally posted back to me instead of Geoff Willis. I’ve returned them with a note saying, “Oops”.

To Ron Dennis from Jean Todt
Present: A test day on track with a Ferrari 360
Note from Jean: Ron, if you can’t beat us, join us. Hopefully the 360 won’t be too much extra power after driving the McLaren SLR.

To David Richards from Jacques Villeneuve
Present: Tickets to the Canadian GP
Note from JV: David, no hard feelings. I won’t need these in 2005 because I’ll be driving IN THE RACE. But of course, BAR-Honda won’t really want you there, will they, so I’m sending you some tickets. Sorry, couldn’t get you into a grandstand, but at least you’ll be back at the grass roots.

To the BAR mechanics from Jenson Button
Present: CD - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word by Blue
Note from Jenson: I would have got you the Louise single, but I don’t think they produced more than 28.

 

:rofl: "Good luck in 2005 fatboy!"