I'm mad at my parents right now.

My sister is 13 years old. She's a bit big. Like 5'2" and 140 lbs. Living around my parents is a particularly stressful occupation and a few years ago she turned to food as a sort of comfort mechanism.

Since then, my parents have been nagging her to lose weight. They would do all kinds of stuff to her like yell at her for eating so much, or say she could only watch tv if she was on the treadmill, etc. Finally they took her to a personal trainer like 6 months ago, and she's been doing the low carb diet with my mom, and she's lost some weight.

My sister has been nagging my parents to get a dog for a long time now. They have a particularly wussy cat which she smothers with affection but apparently one pet isn't enough for her. They've continually said no for a few reasons: a dog will make the cat's life miserable, she can't take the dog with her to college, etc.

Today my sister told me that she might be getting a dog. What brought about the sudden change? She made a deal with my parents that if she gets down to 120 lbs then they'll get her a puppy so it will grow up with the cat and not terrorize it. Signed a "contract" and everything. Motivation to lose weight is one thing, but I'm afraid that she's so dead-set on having a freaking puppy that she's going to go overboard trying to lose weight.

Please, someone else tell me that my parents are wrong for making this deal with a 13 year old girl.

 

she'll be fine. she probably will either lose the weight then gain it right back, or she won't lose it at all.

thats kind of stupid of your parents though. they shouldn't give her rewards for losing weight, they should just watch her eating. i mean, she's young, in their house, they should make healthier foods and not buy crap.

but thats just me, and i shouldn't talk b/c all i eat is crap. but then again, i'm 115 lbs.

 

they are wrong
but hopefully she will realize for herself she needs to lose weight for health and physical attraction

is it a genetic thing? (hereditary or slow metabolism)
or is she lazy or inactive

 

I'd say a bit of both.

I got kind of fat when I was younger but since then I have bulked up and lost most of the fat. I'm a big guy though at 5'10" 215 lbs.

My little brother was always hyper and on lots of ritalin which sped up his metabolism, and then he got into wrestling in high school so he's always been in great shape. He's like 5'9" 165 lbs.

 

I don't know, positive reinforcement might be ok. I guess it depends on what kind of attitude all three bring to it. I personally know that negative reinforcement is not the way to go. When I was in 4th grade I moved in with my father and his wife and was immediately accused of being a fat kid. from 4th grade to about sophomore year of high school, I was punished (when I say punished, I mean no TV, friends, basically and thing but books for months at a time. Not to mention the occasional beating) for gaining weight. Needless to say, puberty was not the most pleasant time of my life. I am now 24 and basically neurotic about my weight. My weights fluctuates like ocean tides. So take it from me, this positive reinforcement is better than the alternative.

p.s. have your parents teach her to eat smart, and if your family doesn't at meal times you sister should not be expected to eat smart at all. Everyone has to support her.

 

positive reinforcement is for preteen kids
i think it promotes weakness in teens-adults

 

See that's the thing: the positive reinforcement they're giving is something they've been saying no to for over a year. They still have all of the same reasons for not wanting the dog, so basically the *only* way she can get it is if she busts her ass.

She might genuinely decide that it's something to strive for and my parents could spin it in such a way that it looks like they're rewarding her. I forsee the first thing happening much more readily than the second. If she does make her goal, I can already picture my dad saying "the only reason we got this damn dog was because you made that deal with us, now go take it for a walk!" in the meanest tone of voice you ever did hear. That wouldn't be good.

 

If know that your parents are going to resent the dog, and not support her with the dog. Then your parents are not holding up their end of the agreement and you should tell them that. If the attitudes aren't positive, you are absolutely right and this is a ticking time bomb(but you already knew that didn't you? ). just my .02

 

I don't think it is as bad as you may think. They are now using positive reinforcement instead of negative reinforcement that you said they were using before. I think it will make her want to lose the weight and have a goal instead of just nagging her to death and making her life miserable as it sounds like they were doing.

They definetly need to monitor her and how she loses the weight though so they make sure she doesn't try to lose it a stupid way like not eating or binging and purging.

I think she will be fine. Actually many books will say that a reward system like the one they have created is the best way to go.

 

ouch...
I agree with you. To me, if her "reward" is seen as a burden and not as an accomplishment, I think it might affect her motivation to accomplish such tasks in the future. Then again, you know your family and homelife better than I.

Here's the way I see it though. The best way to avoid having your children eats lots of junk is to not have junk around in the first place. It's not like a 13yo is going to go drive to the market and buy some cookies with their nonexistant paycheck. The food that is available should be healthier alternatives like veggies, fruit, oatmeal, grains, lean meats, and other foods that aren't highly processed. No soda, candy, or questionable snack foods. What kinds of foods are usually at your parents' home? Do they buy cookies, crackers, sugary cereals, etc?