2003 Darwin Awards
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2003 Darwin Awards
Darwin Awards 2003
>
>Yes, it's the one we've all been waiting for ... the Darwin Awards
2003.
>The candidates have finally been released! For those not familiar with
>the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the person who
provided
>the Universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting KILLED in
>the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition again this
>year has been keen.
>
>DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
>
>* In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
>two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
>sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
>
>* In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
>zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on
his
>daily run.
>
>* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug
>into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
>Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
>been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
>collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
>the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their
way
>to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It
took
>rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
>about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
>
>* In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he
>fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was
burglarizing.
>Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth
(to
>keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
>floor.
>
>* According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was
>stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who
was
>trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena
>was wearing.
>
>* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
>Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
>loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
>
>* In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta,
>27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a
>tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
>
>DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
>
>* In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
>with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a
>rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head,
fracturing
>his skull.
>
>* In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
>cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
>torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
>house.
>
>* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his
>wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up
>in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
>dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen,
>but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
>
>RUNNER UP....
>
>TACOMA, WA
>Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
>said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
>Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and
>at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am.
Upon
>arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
>brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
volunteered
>and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of
>the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied
to
>the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and
tore
>his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the
>icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can
>say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that
night."
>"There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
>located.
>
>AND THE WINNER....
>
>PADERBORN, GERMANY
>Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant
>Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,
>figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly,
and
>suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say
>ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
>olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer
>force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to
>the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as
>the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said
>flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. 'with no one there
>to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
>watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to
be
>just one of those freak accidents that "$hit happens."
>
>Yes, it's the one we've all been waiting for ... the Darwin Awards
2003.
>The candidates have finally been released! For those not familiar with
>the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the person who
provided
>the Universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting KILLED in
>the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition again this
>year has been keen.
>
>DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
>
>* In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
>two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
>sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
>
>* In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
>zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on
his
>daily run.
>
>* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug
>into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
>Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
>been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
>collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
>the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their
way
>to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It
took
>rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
>about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
>
>* In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he
>fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was
burglarizing.
>Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth
(to
>keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
>floor.
>
>* According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was
>stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who
was
>trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena
>was wearing.
>
>* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
>Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
>loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
>
>* In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta,
>27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a
>tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
>
>DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
>
>* In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
>with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a
>rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head,
fracturing
>his skull.
>
>* In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
>cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
>torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
>house.
>
>* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his
>wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up
>in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
>dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen,
>but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
>
>RUNNER UP....
>
>TACOMA, WA
>Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
>said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
>Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and
>at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am.
Upon
>arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
>brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
volunteered
>and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of
>the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied
to
>the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and
tore
>his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the
>icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can
>say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that
night."
>"There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
>located.
>
>AND THE WINNER....
>
>PADERBORN, GERMANY
>Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant
>Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,
>figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly,
and
>suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say
>ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
>olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer
>force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to
>the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as
>the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said
>flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. 'with no one there
>to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
>watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to
be
>just one of those freak accidents that "$hit happens."
