While I was driving down the road the other day (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed over a bridge only to see a cop on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know about, asked "what's your hurry?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The cop was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the cop asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot asshole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge ..."

 

Two guys walk into a bar.



































You'd think the second guy would have seen it coming :thinking:








h:

 

Hillbilly Herman was drafted, and on his first
day as an enlisted man he was given a comb;
the next day the army barber cut off his hair.
On the third day he was given a toothbrush;
the next day the army dentist yanked several
of his teeth. On the fifth day he was given a
jockstrap; that afternoon Herman went AWOL.

h:

 

Mushroom walks into a bar.
Bartender says we don't serve your kind.
Mushroom says why not...
I'm a FUN-GI.

 

i dont get it.h:

 

he didn't want his nuts chopped off

 

what does AWOL stannd for? i forgot

 

absent without leave

 

why do seagulls fly over the sea?





























because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls. :rofl:

 

:hahano: