I thought I had a chance at the title, but Quickstep should take this competition, no problem. I recently sold my contender, an 86 CRX HF that had about 58 hp stock. Horsepower was probably down to the high 40's by the time it reached 190K miles when I sold it. Add heavy 15" rims and you have a recipe for a slow-mo car chase. It was so slow, it actually went backward in time!

0-60: slow
1/4 mile: crawl
Passing on freeway: plan ahead, far ahead