A sea captain walks into a bar with his eye patch and hook for a hand. The bartender asks him "what happened to your hand?"

"Arrrrr, got it cut off in a battle, arrrrr"

The bartender then asks, "well, what happened to your eye?"

"Arrrr, I was looken up at the sky when a bird shat right in my eye, arrrr"

The bartender says "you mean bird crap made you loose your eye?"

"Arrrr, first day with me new hook!"