well i let the car sit for about 6 hours and went for a drive. it seems to be shifting okay on cold start. there's a bit of delay engaging drive/reverse on cold start, but i'm hoping it'll get better with the new ATF.

i'm pretty sure it's still leaking small (3" across) puddles of ATF in my driveway, so i'm hoping it's just a leak in the axle seal. i'll keep you guys updated on this crappy situation.