I agree.

I can one-up all of those though:

How I know that I'm good in bed is that once, while getting up to go to the bathroom at the end of a one-night stand, I ripped, on accident, the loudest, most eye-stinging fart I've EVER released...

A fart so painful, I HAD to leave the room, leaving HER to stew in it alone...

And I still got invited back. That's superior service baby.