[SPOILER="big fucking list"] * 10 inches of Dr. (insert man's name here)'s root medicine
* alabama black snake (from "Full Metal Jacket")
* anaconda
* angry samoan
* ankle spanker
* anteater (an uncircumcised penis)
* arrow
* artillery cum shopper
* artistic cauliflower (Finland)
* arty mc pip's a lot
* aspirin meatball
* ass airliner
* ass banjo
* ass bonger
* ass plower
* ass pounder
* ass ripper
* aviation dive sack
* baby-maker
* balogna poney
* baloney
* banana
* bat stabby-thing
* bea
* beautiful
* beaver buster
* beaver cleaver
* beef bayonet
* beef stick
* beef tamale
* beef torpedo (British)
* beef whistle
* beer can (penis with large girth)
* beer keg (penis with extremly large girth)
* bell tower
* bell
* ben yang
* bethany m
* bicycle
* big ben
* big kahoona, The
* big l
* big tone
* bipper
* bird
* bishop in a turtleneck
* bishop
* bitchsplitter, The
* blinky (My Fellow Americans)
* blood thirsty hound
* blue-veined custard chucker
* blue-veined junket gun
* blue-veined meat roll
* blue-veined microphone
* blue-veined pumpit junkit
* blue-veined throbber
* bobby (scottish)
* bod-rod
* boink swatter
* bone
* boner (more specifically refers to erection)
* boorong (Birdie)
* boto
* bottom beater
* boy- preceding many of the other synonyms, e.g. boycock
* boy's best friend
* boycock
* boyhood
* boyness
* boypleaser
* boypole
* boystick
* bratwurst
* bumrod
* bunker buster
* butoh
* butu
* cabbage roll
* cack (modification of "cock", used to bypass filters)
* captain candy
* captain catalan
* captain cook
* captain hook
* captain kid
* captain kirk
* captain penis McPenis
* captain penis
* captain picard
* captain planet
* captain slappy
* captain titanic
* captain winky (from Ace Ventura Pet Detective)
* captain, the
* card shuffler
* Cari O's best friend
* center pole
* cervix slammer (long penis)
* cheese farm
* cheese maker
* cherry popper
* chicken (as in choking the chicken)
* chili chute
* chode (in reference to a penis that is thicker than it is long)
* chromosome snake
* chub
* clit blipper
* clit tickler
* clouded frost spire (black metal penis)
* clyde
* coat hanger
* cobra
* cock rocket
* cock
* cod
* colin (Southern New Jersey)
* colonel
* condom breaker
* corncob
* corn dog
* crank
* cranny ax
* crap flap
* cream filled sausage
* creamsicle
* cuddly little buddy
* cum cannon
* cum crank
* cum gun
* cum pole
* cum rod
* cum shooter
* cum stick
* **** buster
* **** poker
* **** pounder
* **** ripper
* **** thumper
* cuttlefish of cthulu
* cyclops
* dairy (produces milk and cheese)
* dallywacker
* dangle
* daniel
* dank
* denture cleaner
* derek
* devirginator
* diamond Cutter
* dick
* dickie
* ding-a-ling
* ding-ding
* ding-dong
* dinger
* dingus
* dink
* dinky
* dipstick
* dirt rocket
* dirt stick
* dirty D
* dode
* dog
* doink
* dong
* donger
* donkeycock (very large penis)
* donkeydick (very large penis)
* doodle-dandy (from masturbation)
* doodle
* doomhammer
* dork
* dragon wang
* dragon
* drill
* driller
* drum stick
* drunk girls' breathalizer
* DS (Size reference)
* dude piston
* dusty gazongas
* egg roll
* eiffel tower
* elastic warrior
* elvis
* eleventh finger
* endowment
* engine clanker
* equipment
* F.D.R. and The New Deal
* fang
* fatboy slim
* father christmas
* ferret
* finger of love
* fire hose
* firehose
* fireman
* first penis, the (The President of the United States's)
* fishing rod
* flacid boab, YE
* flagpole
* flaming staff of vengeance which conquers the sniveling flowers of pink town with medieval war bombs of gooey hysteria
* flesh piston
* flesh rocket
* fuck rod
* fuck stick
* fucker
* fucking udder
* fuckstick
* fun gun
* fur-seeking meat missile
* G.O.D (Giant, orange,Diver)
* gadget
* gazong
* general, The
* gherkin
* giant kharlan tree (from Tales of Symphonia)
* giggle stick
* gir
* goliath
* goob
* goober
* governor, the (Shaking hands with)
* graduated cylinder
* granny gouger
* granny smasher
* guided muscle
* gut wrench
* guy's best friend
* ham trucheon
* hammer
* hangdown
* hanging johnny
* happiness
* happy place
* happy pole
* hardy boy
* hawg
* heat-seeking missile
* heat-seeking moisture missile
* hector erector cervix inspector
* herman the german in a turtleneck
* hog
* hogs leg
* hoo hoo dilly (South Park reference)
* hooded knight
* hooded warrior
* horsecock (very large penis)
* horsedick (very large penis)
* hose
* hose
* hot beef injecton
* hot dog
* human horn (Futurama reference)
* impregnator
* incredible heat seeking moisture missile (Robin Williams Reference)
* inseminator
* j-bar
* jabba (In the film 'Without a paddle' - "... Jabba back in his hutt!"
* jack the ripper
* jackhammer
* jade phoenix
* japanese sausage (In Tom Clancy's The Bear and the Dragon)
* jawbreaker
* jelly roll
* jills javalin
* jimmy
* jizz cannon
* jizzer
* john thomas (popularised by Lady Chatterley's Lover)
* john
* johnson, mike
* johnson's little Johnson
* johnson
* jonathan's one-eyed master
* joystick
* junk
* khaaaan
* kickstand
* kidney cracker (W:Frantics reference)
* kidney sweeper
* king crash
* King Dong
* king missile
* kit-kat stick
* knee knocker
* knob
* l'ock (a contraction of "limp" and "cock")[Southern US slang]
* lad (Irish)
* lance
* langer (Cork City)
* lap bone
* lap rocket
* lap taffy
* leaning tower of pisa (for a slanted penis)
* leg wand
* lightsaber
* limecat
* lingam
* little bob (also with any owner's first name)
* little elvis
* little general
* little llamaguy
* little tom thumb (Varsity Blues)
* little willy
* lizard
* log
* lollipop
* long dong silver
* long john silver
* longfellow
* love club
* love gun
* love length
* love loaf
* love lolly
* love missile
* love monster
* love muscle
* love pump
* love rocket (from fictional hair band Danger Kitty in American Express commercial)
* love sausage
* love snake
* love stick
* love wand
* lueshi
* luncheon meat truncheon
* magic dragon (in reference to the charactor "Elliott" in Pete's Dragon)
* magic mushroom
* magic stick
* magic wand
* main cable
* main vein
* maleness
* man- preceding many of the other synonyms
* manhood
* manmeat
* manrod
* manroot
* mantower
* massiveness
* matthew Smith
* mayonaise cannon
* meat missile (made famous by Max Hardcore)
* meat popsicle
* meat puppet
* meat saber
* meat thermometer
* meat wand
* meat whistle
* meat-seeking pissile
* meat
* megg's best friend (Cajun vernacular)
* member
* mickey (chiefly Irish)
* micro mikey
* middle leg (large penis)
* mini-me
* missile
* mister jiggle daddy
* mister man
* mister mushroom head
* mister wobbly
* moisture seeking gristle missile
* mongoose
* monkey
* monster
* mushroom head
* mushroom stamp
* mushroom stick
* mutton dagger
* mutton
* needle
* nessie (Loch Ness Monster)
* nether rod
* ninnyhammer
* non-directional radar guided vagina finder
* notary public
* o rly
* old boy
* old fella
* old feller
* old fellow
* old goob
* old man
* ole' one-eye ("Take Ole' one-eye to the optometrist" from Grumpy Old Men)
* one-eyed cave explorer
* one-eyed jackhammer
* one-eyed love goblin
* one-eyed milk man
* one-eyed monster
* one-eyed python
* one-eyed snake
* one-eyed trouser trout
* one-eyed trouser-snake (Australia, UK)
* one-eyed wiggling welshman
* one-eyed willie
* one-eyed wonder weasel
* one-eyed wonder worm
* oompa Loompa (small penis)
* OPR (official pussy ripper)
* organ
* oscar ("My Baloney has a first name...")
* palmer
* panhandle
* passion pole
* pecker
* pedro
* pee-pee
* pee-puette
* pee-wee
* peener
* peep
* peepee (children's term)
* peeper
* pelir
* pen
* pen 15 (if you don't understand try writing it :P)
* pencil
* pencildick
* peneyney
* percy
* peter
* phallus
* pickle
* pickledick (High School High reference)
* piece of Pork (Reference to "Isn't it Awfully Nice to Have a Penis," a song sung by Eric Idle in Monty Python's Meaning of Life)
* pink and purple station wagon of desire
* pink darth vader
* pink heat-seeking moisture missile
* pink pennywhistle
* pink torpedo (Spinal Tap reference)
* pipe
* piperoll (movie "She's Gotta Have It")
* pirate of men's pants (Gilbert and Sullivan reference)
* pisser
* piston
* plank
* pleasure pole
* pleasure rod
* pleasure scepter
* pleasure stick
* pocker
* pocket weasel
* pocket rocket
* pole
* popcorn surprise
* pork flute
* pork hammer
* pork plow
* pork steeple
* pork sword
* pounder
* presidential staff
* prick
* princess sofia (How to lose a guy in ten days.)
* princess
* private dick
* private johnson
* pud
* pudding slinger
* pump-action yogurt-rifle
* purple fist
* purple headed yogurt slinger
* purple katana
* purple-headed bitch splitter
* purple-headed love warrior
* purple-headed monster
* purple-headed mushroom
* purple-headed warrior
* purple-headed womb-ferret
* purple-headed yogurt slinger
* purple-helmet warrior
* purple-helmeted warrior
* purple-veined clarinet
* pussy plower
* python
* quiet bitch
* quiver bone
* rammer
* ramrod
* rape rod
* rapestick
* rearpoker
* red rocket
* remington
* remis
* richard charles (Dick Chuck) Wainwright
* richard (Little Richard)
* robocock (only applicable if Robocop)
* rock monster
* rocket
* rocketrod
* rod
* rodeo cheeseburger
* rod of righteous indignation
* roger ramrod
* rooster (cock)
* roundhead
* rumple Foreskin
* Russle the one-eyed muscle
* ruzzler
* salami packer
* salami
* saminator
* samurai's backup
* santa's little helper
* saurons finger
* sausage
* scepter
* schlinger
* schlong
* schlonger
* schmeckle
* schmuck (Yiddish)
* schnitzel
* schooner (from "Sex and the City")
* schtick
* schwanger
* schwanz
* schwanzstucker (from Young Frankenstein)
* schwartz (from "Spaceballs")
* scud missile
* scud
* scum shooter
* search and rescue team
* second neck (i.e. 'third leg')
* sergeant Beefy McManmeat of the 33rd erectile division
* Severus Snape
* sex driver
* sex machine
* shaft
* shalong
* shit stabber
* shlong
* shmuck (Yiddish)
* short arm
* shrimp tempura
* shvantz
* simba
* single-barreled pump action protein rifle
* sixth finger
* skin flute
* slammer
* slick willie
* slim jim
* slinky
* slong (From Beavis and Butt-head )
* smoked meat log
* snack trays
* snake
* snopp
* snuffaluffagus (foreskinned penis)
* soldier with the purple helmet
* spam dagger
* spam javelin
* spam
* spanky
* spoon wagon (from Robot Frank)
* staff
* stanley (the power tool)
* steaming stalk
* stick Shift
* stick
* super mushroom
* surprise sausage
* sword
* tabend
* taco
* tail (remarkably also used for the butt, as in tail-end)
* talliwacker
* talliwhacker
* tallywhacker
* tassle
* texas peensaw massacre
* the markinator
* thigh spreader
* thigh stimulator
* thing
* third leg (large penis)
* thor's hammer
* throbbing thrill hammer
* thumper
* tiki God
* t-gizz
* timpo (2channel)
* tissemand
* todger (Australia, UK)
* tommo
* tommy
* tommyboy
* tonk
* tonsil tickler
* tool
* toot
* tooth chipper
* tootsie roll
* toy
* treff
* tripod (man with an abnormally large penis; Goldmember reference)
* trojan horse
* trolley
* trouser lizard
* trouser snake
* trouser trout
* trouser weasel
* true hero, the
* trunk
* tube snake
* tube steak
* tube
* tummy banana
* turkey neck
* twanger
* twat jockey
* twig
* twinkie
* two patch
* two towers (alleged slang for erect hobbit penises)
* uncle sam (he wants YOU!)
* unit
* USS destroy her
* v-rod
* vagina ripper
* vein-inlaid meat pipe
* vienna sausage
* viper
* virgin killer
* vlad the impaler
* voodoo stick
* walking Stick
* wand of magic missile
* wang-dang doodle
* wang-dang
* wang
* wanga
* wanger
* wango
* wanker
* wankie
* war club
* war hammer
* warrior of love
* wausage
* weapon
* wee-wee
* weenie
* weinie
* wenus (reference to an episode of Friends; meant to sound like the combination of Wiener and Penis, but actually an acronym for "Weekly Estimated Net Usage Statistics," though the term was in use before the show)
* wet willie
* whang
* whiz wand
* whoopee stick
* wick
* [[wiener (misspelled "weiner" on The Simpsons and on Steve O's tattoo )
* wienie
* wife Poker
* Wife's Best Friend
* willie (children's term)
* willy (children's term)
* wing wang
* wing wong
* winkie
* winston
* wobbly
* womb broom
* wonderworm
* wong
* wooper
* woopy stick 'as sung by the Bloodhound Gang'
* worm
* XY stick
* yard
* yellowshirt
* yingyang
* yoda
* yogurt gun
* yogurt slinger
* yolder
* yoni feeder
* zahmer bomber
* zipper trout
[/SPOILER]
h: