I'm being serious. I used to be afraid to talk about this but it's apparent that others suffer from this also and have posted discussions. I'm talking about SAD. It's ruined my life and seems to have gotten worse in the past year or two. Prime example, 20min ago I was supposed to go with the gf to her best friends house for a bbq. The closer we got, the more I didn't want to go and started making excuses why I didn't want to be there. When we pulled up, there were 2 other cars of people I don't know but were there for the cookout. I just got a quick temper even after her friend came out and I just left as we were unloading the cake my gf made. I told her I'd be at the apt and to call me when she was done. Of course she wasn't happy but she doesn't seem to understand my problems. She thinks its all in my head, maybe it is. I've tried to blend in with everyday society but I can't. I feel like a total outcast and only interact with people close to me. This sh!t really brings me down and makes me question my existence. What is my purpose being here? You would think with everything I have, I would be happy but I'm not. I just buy things all the time because I have a feeling I won't be here that long.

I never really sit down and analyze these situations like this but it's really hitting me hard. It's because these things come normal to me and I never really think much it. I'm thinking that if I don't get help now, it's only going to worsen.