An old man is getting a physical and at the end, the Doctor told him that he needs a sperm sample.

He gave him a jar and told him to bring back the next day.

Well, the next day he goes back to the Doctor's office and returns the jar, as clean as when he got it.

The Doctor asked him what had happened.

Well, it was like this Doc, I tried with my left hand, nothing.

I tried with my right hand, still nothing.

Then I asked my wife to help, she tried with her right hand, nothing, she tried with her left hand, still nothing.

We even asked the neighbor to help, she tried with both hands, between her knees, even with her mouth, still no good.

The Doctor was in shock, " I can't believe you got the neighbor involved"

We tried everything, Doc, we just couldn't get the lid off