Well, I went out and got totally drenched. But I FIXED it. Turns out that the #3 7.5 amp fuse was blown. It was blown pretty bad, so I hope it was just a momentary short of some sort or the rain caused it. Now my windshield wipers work, my dome lights work, my dash no longer says my door is open when it isn't, and my rear defroster works. Luckily I didn't have to do any electrical troubleshooting because the less electrical stuff I have to do, the happier I am. Thanks for all your help, guys.