14K White Gold Claddagh ring, 0.4 OZ, THE HOE LEFT ME!

Starting bid: US $400.00
Ended: Jun-20-04 17:34:23 PDT
Start time: Jun-13-04 17:34:23 PDT
History: 0 bids
Price: US $1,000.00

Description (revised)

Item Specifics - Rings
Gemstone: -- Cut: --
Natural/Synthetic: -- Carat: --
Metal: 14k White Gold
Ring Size: 7.5











One year to the day after our first date, I presented my now EX-girlfriend (thank God) with this beautiful 14K white gold Claddagh ring. If you don't know what a Claddagh is......read one of the thousands of other ebay auctions for them..........most explain in detail. I, on the other hand, firmly believe in the inherent intelligence and common sense of humanity, and feel it would be insulting to assume one cannot do research on their own, such research requiring no more than a quick googling of the word "claddagh". Plus, I'm a lazy jerk. Anyway.......a month later, THE HOE LEFT ME!

In retrospect, it shouldn't have been a big surprise.

First clue: She broke things off with her FIANCE at the time to be with me. What does that suggest? That I'm a super stud that none can resist? No, that can't be it. If I were to compare my appearance to an inanimate object, it would be a throat swab that they use at the Dr.'s office. I'm tall, skinny, I've got a big white head, and I make most people gag a little. So, better explanation? SHE'S A HOE!

Second clue: Our first date was April 13th, 2001. Check your calanders.......that was FRIDAY THE 13TH. Why the hell didn't I just take her out to the nearest Cathedral and pee in the Holy water while I was at it? Maybe we could have had a nice dinner eating black cats and broken mirrors.

Conclusion: I'm a freakin idiot.....and SHE'S STILL A HOE!



So, my loss, your gain right?

Right. Forget about the fact that MY EX IS A HOE for a second, even though she is. Allow me to talk about this ring.

This Claddagh ring is made of 100% 14K white gold. This is NOT something I just saw and bought. THIS IS A ONE OF A KIND, $1300 CUSTOM MADE AND DESIGNED RING!!! I designed this ring and had it hand made by The Jewelers of Las Vegas. My family and I have had many custom pieces done by them, and I have never seen more incredible crafstmanship in all my life.

This ring is 0.39 oz of pure white gold! That is a LOT of gold to put in a ring. I weighed a gold ring that my current girlfriend (she's totally not a hoe) owns as comparison: 0.06 oz!

It still shines like the day I bought it. This ring saw less than a month of wear....cause the HOE found it hard to wear on a regular basis.....hmm........perhaps cause she was contemplating leaving me? Gee.....I wonder!

Now for the weird part. I'm 6'3"......190 lbs. This ring fits ME perfectly! The HOE was a 5'11" and weighed 120 lbs. She was a damn twig. When she was sleeping I tried to force feed her meatball subs and protein shakes. Anyway......the ring was a bit TOO SMALL for her. It's a size 7.5 (this ring can be easily resized at a local jeweler).

Yeah.....that's right........she had freakin man hands. Maybe that should have been clue number 3. In fact.....I'm not all that positive "she" wasn't a man. She always smelled like a sumo wrestler used a pork chop for deodorant. I'm pretty sure her feet were banned by the Geneva Convention. They required a Level Four bio hot suit to touch, and even then I'm not sure I would have felt so safe. I would have rather rolled a dead skunk in the Ebola virus and used it as a pillow. She was also pretty hairy.

Reading this you're probably wondering what the hell I was ever doing with her in the first place. Good question. I'd like to think their were some good qualities about her, but damned if I can remember what they were. All I remember is that SHE'S A HOE.



Here's a little caveat: The ring still has engraved on the inside "Adam and Candice 4-13-01 Now and Forever." Ain't that some sappy BS? I thought about having the engraving buffed out.....but I left it there to serve as a reminder of what a dumbass I was. Plus, it's sort of a testament to the fact that I'm not just making this crap up.........I really did take that HOE out for our first date on Friday the 13th. I deserve no less than a few ass kickings for that one..........and no, YOU don't get to do it. But, any jewelry shop should easily be able to buff the engraving out for you (in fact, if the winning bidder so requests, I can have the engraving buffed out free of charge before shipping).



Soooooo........I'm starting this ring at $400. I need to get at least SOME money back for this damn thing. Pretty soon I'm gonna have to buy something nice for my current girlfriend (the one that's not a hoe).......and I've got about $45,000 worth of student loan debt, and a job I'm going to have to quit soon to go BACK to school. I've got NEGATIVE money. That always feels nice.