I think it just comes with the territory when you're 19. That was a tough age for me. You had mentioned wanting to try a church in a previous post, so maybe that's what you should do. You're seeking security about what happens at death and/or after death. In the big picture, death is the end of a relatively short existance on Earth. Life after death is eternal. Get into a relationship with God, and give all the worry to Him. Yeah we all die sometime, but what matters is what we did with the life we were given. I don't have a death wish, but I don't fear death either. It has no power over me. If I go tommorrow, than so be it. I have security in knowing I'll be with God in heaven someday.