This is why I am depressed:

Have you ever thought about death? I have been thinking about is since last Thursday. Man I really don't want to die. I am going to miss the people that I love so much. I am going to hate it when my parents die, I love them so much and they have done so much for me, I won't be able to live without them. I dont know what I am going to do when they die, I know when it happens I am going to go into severe depression.

I am never going to be alive again or never know what is going on or anything and that is what is scaring me and making me depressed. I know when the time comes it comes. I guess the reason I keep thinking about it is that if I do keep thinking about it then it won't happen. Or someone will tell me that it wont happen. And another reason I keep thinking about it when something gets in my head it is hard for me to stop thinking about it, it usally stops when the thing happens which I don't want that to be my reason to stop thinking about it this time. Like I said previously I think I am going to set up a doctors appointment so I can get this fixed. I am really scared and depressed right now. When ever I think about it I get sick to my stomach and I almost start to :cry: I don't know what to do but I get more and more depressed everyday thinking about it and I am getting tired of it. All I want to do is sleep all day so I won't think about it.

I really need to stop thinking about it, I am getting more and more depressed thinking about it. I mean I am not able to do stuff that I did before, and I really don't even laugh at funny stuff anymore and things are not really that fun anymore.

Everyday I think about it I get more and more scared. I really don't want it to happen. Sometimes I get so scared, depressed, and upset that I hit the wall with both of my hands really hard and just keep doing it until my they start to hurt.

I am starting to get really ****ing scared that I am starting to go I really don't want to die. If I knew how it felt then I wouldn't be as scared as I am.