What I always did that worked with my ex that flew off the handle like that...

"Look Hon, I think something is wrong, but I don't know what's going on. I'm a guy, so I'm dumb that way, but I would like to try and fix anything if I can, and I am asking you if there's anything I could do or should have done to prevent this situation. If there isn't anything wrong and it's all in my head, I'm sorry because again, I am dumb that way... But if there is something, please tell me... I wont be mad or angry or think it's stupid, but I do want to solve it and make you feel better... Would you be OK telling me if everything is OK or not?"

Worked like a charm, got her (A normally uncommunicative girl who would, before dating me, would rather storm out of the house and disappear from the offending b/f's life for a couple days) to actually open up and tell me how she was feeling... and I always asked her "So if I did this, that would make you feel more comfortable? before I committed to any course of action...


***edit: RULE NUMBER 1: Avoid using "You" as MUCH AS POSSIBLE... change the perspective and say "I feel..."... it really can save your ass...