It's hard to help without being there to see what all you've done....

I'd just wire up the fogs to the switch using a wire tester to see what's hot when the switch is on. The relay is actuated by the switch, that's what sends power to the fogs so that they get enough to run and don't overwhelm the small actuator wire.

You could even wire it up to your battery, and have the actuation come from the fog switch.

I don't know if I'm making sense, but like I said it's hard to explain it with text...